July 31, 2008

Democratic National Convention

I am not looking forward to this.

I work less than a mile from the place where it'll be taking place. I just talked to the Office Manager about how the bosses will be handling this. I'm crossing my fingers that we'll be getting off early throughout that week.

I remember last year, George Bush flew into Denver. I didn't get home until at least 7:00-7:30 at night.

The DNC will be INSANE.

Met a sailor on my lunch break

I went to the grocery store to get fixings for tonight's picnic. While standing at the deli, there were three sailors in full uniforms (the tan ones, not the actual sailor outfit). They were tasting the gizzards. One of them asked me if I ever tried gizzards. I said something like I try to avoid eating throat. Which is totally not true because I bite Daniel's throat all the time.

Anyhow, we chatted for a bit. He asked where I was from, what I do, etc. I asked what they were doing in CO ("long way from the ocean..."). He handed me his business card and said he's recruiting. I replied that I wasn't going to be a sailor anytime soon. He said, "No, I'm here recruiting, but I'd just like for you to give me a call sometime." ::snort:: I thought he was trying to recruit me.

So, we talked a little more, then parted ways. Don't know if I'll call or not. He was nice and not pushy in the least, which I like. Really tall, originally from Puerto Rico, polite, and...well...he's in the freakin' Navy.

On a side note, the beautiful black courier was also at the store. Yum yum yum. Aside from Courier Boyfriend, he's probably my favorite courier.

July 30, 2008

Here's the deal with Daniel.

Lately, I haven't been interested in seeing any guys from my "list" and haven't been interested in going out and meeting new guys. I've been staying in and saving money, which also puts a damper on meeting guys. Because of this, Daniel fits into my life beautifully. He comes over and we just hang out. It's really nice actually. We go swimming, hit a bucket of balls, play video games, or just chat while I do my errands like cleaning or laundry. I've grown to like him a lot because of this time spent together, getting to know each other.

This wouldn't be a problem, except that I find I'm imposing my standards for a boyfriend onto him. In other words, I guess I'm expecting more out of him and his behavior and stuff than I wouldn't care about if he were "just" a fuck-buddy. I know he wants to be in a relationship, so that's not the problem.

The problem is that I am more easily upset or annoyed when he doesn't "meet my expectations." I hope that doesn't come across as bitchy or uppity. When he did or said something stupid or hurtful in the past (not because he's an asshole by any means...just "young"), I blew it off and just didn't care much and probably just wouldn't talk to him for a week or something. But now, it hurts more and I'm bothered more. He *always* apologizes and tries to make up for it and it's obvious he is trying harder...but I don't think he's ready for an adult relationship. And I don't even think I'M ready for a relationship at all. But I want to be around him (and only him--as far as guys go-- right now).

Sooooooooo...I doubt any of this even makes sense. I'm kind of rambling, but that's where I'm at right now: I like this guy a lot and really enjoy spending time with him, but don't know if it's a good idea to be as close as we have been for the last month. I guess he's not mature enough for me and I don't like being hurt and I don't like drama.

::loooooooooong siiiiiiiiiiiigh:: Relationships were never this complicated when I was younger.

(Wow...I just realized that it's been 2.5 weeks since I've been with anyone besides Daniel. Moreover, aside from that one night with Jay, I think it's been over a month since being with anyone else...)


I met an artist last night.

His stuff is pretty cool. Also, he's a nice guy and very cute.........and friends with Daniel. ::blows raspberries and gives the thumbs-down::.

And I kicked his ass in pool.

Marc Pokorny

I really like this piece and wish it weren't sold already:

Duino Elegies by Rilke

I'm usually not a fan of poetry at ALL. However, I just love this poem...well, it's part of a set of elegies. A girl and I were talking about this poem last night in the bar. She mentioned that the translator was Stephen Mitchell. I got really excited because he also translated my favorite version of the Bhagavad Gita. We then both nerded out about how great he must be to translate such great works of art.

Anyhow, here it is, in case anyone is interested:

Duino Elegies
by Rainer Maria Rilke
Translated by Stephen Mitchell

The First Elegy
Who, if I cried out, would hear me among the angels' hierarchies?
and even if one of them pressed me suddenly against his heart:
I would be consumed in that overwhelming existence.
For beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror, which we are still just able to endure,
and we are so awed because it serenely disdains to annihilate us.
Every angel is terrifying.
And so I hold myself back and swallow the call-note of my dark sobbing.
Ah, whom can we ever turn to in our need?
Not angels, not humans, and already the knowing animals are aware
that we are not really at home in our interpreted world.
Perhaps there remains for us some tree on a hillside, which every day we can take into our vision;
there remains for us yesterday's street and the loyalty of a habit so much at ease
when it stayed with us that it moved in and never left.
Oh and night: there is night, when a wind full of infinite space gnaws at our faces.
Whom would it not remain for--that longed-after, mildly disillusioning presence,
which the solitary heart so painfully meets.
Is it any less difficult for lovers?
But they keep on using each other to hide their own fate.
Don't you know yet?
Fling the emptiness out of your arms into the spaces we breathe;
perhaps the birds will feel the expanded air with more passionate flying.
Yes--the springtimes needed you. Often a star was waiting for you to notice it.
A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past,
or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing.
All this was mission. But could you accomplish it?
Weren't you always distracted by expectation, as if every event announced a beloved?
(Where can you find a place to keep her, with all the huge strange thoughts inside you
going and coming and often staying all night.)
But when you feel longing, sing of women in love; for their famous passion is still not immortal.
Sing of women abandoned and desolate (you envy them, almost)
who could love so much more purely than those who were gratified.
Begin again and again the never-attainable praising; remember: the hero lives on;
even his downfall was merely a pretext for achieving his final birth.
But Nature, spent and exhausted, takes lovers back into herself,
as if there were not enough strength to create them a second time.
Have you imagined Gaspara Stampa intensely enough
so that any girl deserted by her beloved might be inspired by that fierce example of soaring,
objectless love and might say to herself, "Perhaps I can be like her?"
Shouldn't this most ancient of sufferings finally grow more fruitful for us?
Isn't it time that we lovingly freed ourselves from the beloved and,
quivering, endured: as the arrow endures the bowstring's tension,
so that gathered in the snap of release it can be more than itself.
For there is no place where we can remain.
Voices. Voices. Listen, my heart, as only saints have listened:
until the gigantic call lifted them off the ground;
yet they kept on, impossibly, kneeling and didn't notice at all: so complete was their listening.
Not that you could endure God's voice--far from it.
But listen to the voice of the wind and the ceaseless message that forms itself out of silence.
It is murmuring toward you now from those who died young.
Didn't their fate, whenever you stepped into a church in Naples or Rome,
quietly come to address you?
Or high up, some eulogy entrusted you with a mission,
as, last year, on the plaque in Santa Maria Formosa.
What they want of me is that I gently remove the appearance of injustice about their death--
which at times slightly hinders their souls from proceeding onward.
Of course, it is strange to inhabit the earth no longer,
to give up customs one barely had time to learn,
not to see roses and other promising Things in terms of a human future;
no longer to be what one was in infinitely anxious hands;
to leave even one's own first name behind,
forgetting it as easily as a child abandons a broken toy.
Strange to no longer desire one's desires.
Strange to see meanings that clung together once, floating away in every direction.
And being dead is hard work and full of retrieval before one can gradually feel a trace of eternity.
Though the living are wrong to believe in the too-sharp distinctions which
they themselves have created.
Angels (they say) don't know whether it is the living they are moving among, or the dead.
The eternal torrent whirls all ages along in it, through both realms forever,
and their voices are drowned out in its thunderous roar.
In the end, those who were carried off early no longer need us:
they are weaned from earth's sorrows and joys,
as gently as children outgrow the soft breasts of their mothers.
But we, who do need such great mysteries,
we for whom grief is so often the source of our spirit's growth--:
could we exist without them?
Is the legend meaningless that tells how, in the lament for Linus,
the daring first notes of song pierced through the barren numbness;
and then in the startled space which a youth as lovely as a god has suddenly left forever,
the Void felt for the first time that harmony which now enraptures and comforts and helps us.

The Second Elegy
Every angel is terrifying. And yet, alas, I invoke you,
almost deadly birds of the soul, knowing about you.
Where are the days of Tobias, when one of you, veiling his radiance,
stood at the front door, slightly disguised for the journey, no longer appalling;
(a young man like the one who curiously peeked through the window).
But if the archangel now, perilous, from behind the stars took even one step down toward us:
our own heart, beating higher and higher, would beat us to death.
Who are you?
Early successes, Creation's pampered favorites,
mountain-ranges, peaks growing red in the dawn of all beginning,--
pollen of the flowering godhead, joints of pure light,
corridors, stairways, thrones, space formed from essence,
shields made of ecstasy, storms of emotion whirled into rapture, and suddenly alone:
mirrors, which scoop up the beauty that has streamed from their face
and gather it back, into themselves, entire.
But we, when moved by deep feeling, evaporate; we breathe ourselves out and away;
from moment to moment our emotion grows fainter, like a perfume.
Though someone may tell us: "Yes, you've entered my bloodstream, the room,
the whole springtime is filled with you . . . "--what does it matter? he can't contain us,
we vanish inside him and around him.
And those who are beautiful, oh who can retain them?
Appearance ceaselessly rises in their face, and is gone.
Like dew from the morning grass, what is ours floats into the air, like steam from a dish of hot food.
O smile, where are you going?
O upturned glance: new warm receding wave on the sea of the heart . . .
alas, but that is what we are.
Does the infinite space we dissolve into, taste of us then?
Do the angels really reabsorb only the radiance that streamed out from themselves,
or sometimes, as if by an oversight, is there a trace of our essence in it as well?
Are we mixed in with their features even as slightly as that vague look
in the faces of pregnant women?
They do not notice it (how could they notice) in their swirling return to themselves.
Lovers, if they knew how, might utter strange, marvelous words in the night air.
For it seems that everything hides us.
Look: trees do exist; the houses that we live in still stand.
We alone fly past all things, as fugitive as the wind.
And all things conspire to keep silent about us, half out of shame perhaps, half as unutterable hope.
Lovers, gratified in each other, I am asking you about us.
You hold each other. Where is your proof?
Look, sometimes I find that my hands have become aware of each other,
or that my time-worn face shelters itself inside them.
That gives me a slight sensation.
But who would dare to exist, just for that?
You, though, who in the other's passion grow until, overwhelmed, he begs you:
"No more . . . "; you who beneath his hands swell with abundance,
like autumn grapes; you who may disappear because the other has wholly emerged:
I am asking you about us.
I know, you touch so blissfully because the caress preserves,
because the place you so tenderly cover does not vanish;
because underneath it you feel pure duration.
So you promise eternity, almost, from the embrace.
And yet, when you have survived the terror of the first glances,
the longing at the window, and the first walk together, once only, through the garden:
lovers, are you the same?
When you lift yourselves up to each other's mouth and your lips join,
drink against drink: oh how strangely each drinker seeps away from his action.
Weren't you astonished by the caution of human gestures on Attic gravestones?
Wasn't love and departure placed so gently on shoulders
that it seemed to be made of a different substance than in our world?
Remember the hands, how weightlessly they rest, though there is power in the torsos.
These self-mastered figures know: "We can go this far,
this is ours, to touch one another this lightly; the gods can press down harder upon us.
But that is the gods' affair."
If only we too could discover a pure, contained, human place,
our own strip of fruit-bearing soil between river and rock.
Four our own heart always exceeds us, as theirs did.
And we can no longer follow it,
gazing into images that soothe it or into the godlike bodies where,
measured more greatly, it achieves a greater repose.

July 29, 2008

I hit a bucket of balls with Daniel

on Sunday. First time I've done that with a guy. So, I was a little nervous about making a fool of myself on the driving range, but I still wanted to do it.

And I'm pretty impressed with my skillz. While Daniel had a good, manly swing, he was also erratic: hitting the ball in every direction, sometimes swinging too low or high, etc. While my drive wasn't nearly as long, it was consistent. Every time. Went exactly the same distance, location, etc. Daniel told me to aim for a flag out on the range and I hit the green around it every time.

I was quietly thanking my dad for endlessly correcting my swing during his "lessons", so now my technique is actually pretty good.

Kayden at G-ma's House

from when we visited my g-ma's for 4th of July:

I was actually far away and zoomed in on him, so he didn't know he was being watched:

Bringing his g-ma flowers he picked:

I just made an ass of myself.

Howard is our UPS guy. He's an older black guy with a great sense of humor. We joke around a lot, wave to each other on the street...I would consider us to be friends.

Anyhow, as he walked in, he said, "It looks like you got a bit of a burn." We talked about how sunburnt I am. Then we talked about how instead of tanning, I go back to being pale. He pointed at his own forehead and said, "You can see how well I tan." I replied, "It looks like you got a little burnt too!"

Now, what I MEANT was that he was looking a little red on HIS forehead too. Obviously, how it came out is my saying that his dark skin was just a deep sunburn. I was SO fucking embarrassed. I apologized, blushed, made a joke about sticking my foot in my mouth. However, he thought it was hilarious. He sat down in the lobby because he was laughing so hard.

Even so, I am so embarrassed.

July 28, 2008

I watched a reality show on Sunday.

It's true.

I was browsing through my Watch Instantly section of Netflix and stumbled across a Bachelorette-esque show. Except the woman they're vying for is a transgendered "man"...i.e, used to be a man, but had surgery and hormone treatments and is now a woman.

The men who are vying for Calpernia's attention are avowedly straight (with the exception of one or two who are bi). One guy is a transgendered woman (used to be a woman, now a man), one was in the transgender porn industry, and so on.

It was fucking hilarious. By the time the show ended, Daniel and Kort were also huddled around me, watching it over my shoulder. I may watch the next episode tonight.

Welp, it's finally happened.

I'm burned out on meeting new guys and going out.

Maybe it's just a phase. Maybe in my quest to save money, I've just gotten used to chilling at my house. Maybe I've just met too many douches. I'm just not feeling any of it right now.

Of all the dudes I've met, hooked up with, even dated this year, I've only really liked two. They both turned out to be insensitive flakes. I like Daniel a lot, but he's too immature and brash to ever really pursue a relationship with (not to mention we don't really have anything in common). I have no interest in calling any of the guys in my phone. Given the chance to either go out and meet new guys or just hang out at home with Daniel, I always choose the latter. It's just more relaxing.

As far as going out, I have fun doing things with Kort and sometimes other people. But just going out to the bar and drinking doesn't really interest me right now. Maybe it's because I had a bad experience at my beloved FR last week or whenever that was. I just don't really want to go back anytime soon.

Sooooo...after three months of hardcore partying followed five months of softcore partying, I've settled into the barely-partying-at-all stage. Local concerts, drum circles, swimming, chilling at home, hanging with mostly Kort and Daniel...that's pretty much it.

Anyhow, that's my jumble of thoughts for the day.

I'm exhausted.

Friday: Kayden's BFF spent the night. They were, of course, wild and having a blast. Around 10 p.m., I was exhausted and ready to go to bed. I dragged the air mattress to the living room, put on a movie and told them, "You can stay up as late as you want, but you need to keep the lights off, stay laying down, and be quiet."

I had to get up no less than five times to direct them to keep quiet. Finally at 2 a.m., I told them it was time for sleep. Aye aye aye.

Saturday: woke bright and early to get the boys ready for the company picnic. Picked up Kort (who was my date), went to Elitches (the amusement park). The boys went on a bunch of rides, we ate lunch, met up with Celeste (the mom of the BFF). Got to go on a couple rides with Daniel and Jason (who were Celeste's guests).

Around 3:00, it was time to take Kayden to his dad's. Kort had a couple extra tickets to Big Gig, so we brought Daniel and Jason to the concert with us.

It was fun, but SOOOOOOO hot. No shade anywhere. We saw Dropkick Murphys and Flobots and a couple bands I don't really know.

However, the boys were acting like little pouty bitches.

We left early and took them home. Then Kort came over to my house and we drank and watched Sex and the City and had a merry time.

Sunday: woke up, got Starbucks, went swimming. It was awesome. Daniel came over to do so swimming. We played pool frisbee which was awesome and consisted of us throwing the frisbee outside of the pool so Kort would have to climb out to get it (thereby flashing us her butt each time).

After swimming, lunch, and a nap, Kort left. Daniel and I hit a bucket of balls at the driving range, came back to my place, played video games, took a nap, ate a disgusting dinner, played some video games, watched a movie, and fell asleep.

Today I woke up so sunburnt and my muscles SO sore. But it was a fun weekend overall.

July 22, 2008

SoCo Boys

The SoCo boys are the guys we met at the SoCo festival a couple weeks ago. I hung out and partied with them all night. Really fun, cool, frat-type boys:

Frankie: chatted with him a lot that night, have texted with him a couple times since.
Pet-ah: Russian boy that I dirty-danced with a bit...have run into him a few times around town. Has called me.
Shaun: my beer pong partner from the first night. Just bumped into him on Sunday.
Jay: this is the one I slept with...twice. Have texted a bit with him since.
Justin: this is the guy that originally wanted to hook up with me...but I ended up hooking up with Jay. I bumped into him last week and it seems as though he and Jay are frienemies.

So, the reason for the post is that each of these guys took my number down that first night I hung out with them. None of them were really coming onto me...it was just a friendly "let's hang out again" thing. However, they all text with me. The latest is Shaun...texting with him right now. They all know I slept with Jay, but I'm not sure they're texting just as friends now...

In any event, there's no cause for weirdness or anything. But I do find it strange that I'm basically texting with and hanging out with nearly every guy in their little group.

I hate when people freak out at work.

"Kelli! What are we going to do?! The meeting is starting and we need to get the drinks in there!" or "I need these handouts for a meeting, but the copier isn't working!" or "I keep messing up this proposal!"

Dude. It's a fucking meeting. Exactly how important is this in the grand scheme of life? Will you still care about this meeting or even this job when you're 80 years old?

Clearly I'm not meant for Corporate America. I just can't get uptight about stuff like this.

Moreover, I really wish the world would just STOP with all the developing. We don't NEED new condos and shopping centers and so on. Just stop it already, people.

This attitude does not bode well since I work for a major real estate developer and construction company.

Dirty Ho

Kortney playing frisbee across the patio with Dave:

Dave is in the white shirt:

Me and my big Dirty Ho (Frambois and Hoegaarden):

It's really good...pretty much the only beer I'll drink. Frambois is a really sweet, raspberry-flavored beer and Hoegaarden really mellows out the sweetness.

I had two of those huge glasses.

I want to do some boondoggle.

One summer, I worked on that endlessly. I loved it. Maybe I'll show Kayden how to do it...

July 21, 2008

I don't want to seem ungrateful, but....

For our company picnics, we usually do drawings for prizes. They're pretty awesome prizes and about 15 are handed out overall.

But they decided this year to give EVERYONE a gift (to recognize everyone's efforts)...awesome, huh?!? I thought that was so cool!

I got the gift and it looks like a tool kit. Construction company and all...makes sense. And I would be so stoked because I actually love tool kits.

Instead, it's...

a barbecue set. Like, long wood-handled spatula and various implements that I have absolutely no use for in my wee, barbecue-grill-less apartment.

What I should have been thinking is "I'm surrounded by middle- to upper-class coworkers...of course they all have grills." ::sigh::

I do appreciate the gesture, however.

July 18, 2008

Have you noticed...

that there are certain people (women, usually) who just don't like when other people are single? These women usually have a boyfriend or husband, of course. And they're ALWAYS trying to set you up or trying to make something more out of your casual fling.

The reason I bring this up is that anytime I mention something about a guy (Daniel especially), there are several women in the office who immediately coo, "Ooh, this sounds serious!" "I think he really likes you...you'll be in a relationship soon." "Have you thought about getting into a relationship with him?" Etc. The latest is "Daniel's going to cook tonight? That means he really likes you!" I explained that whether that's true or not, he's also cooking for my friend and his brother. Let's not turn this into an intimate, romantic evening.

Um, I like being single, thankyouverymuch. Quit trying to turn my fling into a marriage waiting to happen.

Deviated Septum

I think I have a deviated septum or something like that. I have to breathe through my mouth most the time. Because of this, exercise or heavy breathing gives me a headache and sometimes makes me light-headed. Why don't I go to the doctor to have this corrected?

Because I find that not having a sense of smell tends to have more benefits than drawbacks.


I had a bit of a splurge-fit.








::puts credit card away quickly::

The Ped Egg is no match for my feet.

I bought. I scoured for hours. To no avail. I think I'll have to stick to the razor-wielding Koreans if I want the smooth feet.

July 17, 2008

Film on the Rocks: Labyrinth!

Here are a couple pictures from last night. Kort and I took Kayden and Zoe to see Labyrinth at Red Rocks.

Kayden. Had. A. Blast. Before the movie even started, he was asking when he can come back, when the next kids movie will be shown, etc. Unfortunately, I haven't seen any other kids movies being shown here. I don't think it's typical and they only showed Labyrinth because it's a cult classic. But I'll find something similar...maybe take him to a drive-in some night.

The only bad part of the night is when the teenagers behind us wouldn't stop talking loudly (and very crudely, saying stuff like "Bowie's gonna fuck her hard!"). Finally, I turned around and said, "Shut the fuck up!" They started to say something and I cut in, "No, seriously. Just shut the fuck up!" Kayden looked utterly shocked because I NEVER swear around him. But, well, I was pretty pissed that these little jerks might ruin the experience. I also had to explain what the funny-smelling smoke was coming from behind us.

The only photo I got of the screen...didn't turn out so well, but that's Mr. Bowie:


Daniel: My mouth hurts. I'm gonna cry. I've been trying to kill the pain with whiskey but it's not helping.

Kelli: That's weird. Might be an infection. You should call the dentist. Or just quit blowing strange men in alleys.

Had another convesation about stepdads.

Last night, Kayden told me he had a dream that Josh and I got remarried and he was sad when he woke up.

We talked for a while about it. I explained about depression and reminded him of how Josh never wanted to go anywhere or do anything with us. Kayden tends to be like me, in that he idealizes the past.

I also talked about how he likes his new stepmom much better than his last and it'll be the same way with a new stepdad. (Of course, I have no intentions of actually ever marrying again, but I didn't want to explain that to him.) I reassured him that I would never marry someone he didn't really like.

I feel really bad for him right now.

July 16, 2008

Conversation with Courier Boyfriend

CBF just came by. I mentioned that I'm going to Film on the Rocks tonight:

CBF: Oh yeah? I was thinking of going actually...
Kelli: Really? It's going to be Labyrinth, I'm so excited.
CBF: Yeah, that's so cool. I really want to see David Bowie on a huge screen.
Kelli: I LOVE David Bowie!
CBF: Cool, well, maybe I'll see you there.
Kelli: :squeals inwardly, then remembers that Kayden will be there:

Kids are such a cock-block sometimes. ;)

Three things about Kayden last night.

1. He said he wants to live with his dad. Now I know I shouldn't read into this. He's 7 and his dad's house is the "fun" place. But it still hurts my feelings to hear this. Right after he said it, he quickly followed up with "But I also really like living with you." To his credit, he is very good at dealing with people's emotions for such a young age.

2. He was telling me about this elaborate invention he thought of. After finishing up, he said, "I bet they have it already in Canada." And then he actually guffawed and said he was joking. I'm not sure, but he might have been making fun of Canada. I thought it was hilarious and bizarre and completely random.

3. He told me he wants a new stepdad. Hello random! He asked if I was ever going to get married again. I said something about maybe in the future and waiting for the right person and everything. He said, "I miss having a stepdad." And then he told me about how he saw Look Who's Talking at his dad's house and how the woman who had the baby didn't think the taxi driver was the right man for her. But after he became the babysitter and they got to know each other, she fell in love and they got married and he became the dad. He even used the words, "She decided he was right for her after all." Talk about pressure.

(By the by, he hasn't met any other guys I've dated. I don't think he knows I'm even dating anyone.)

July 15, 2008

Daniel is going to cook dinner for me.

Well, actually, he's going to cook it for me, Kort, and Jason on Friday night...but we'll say it's just for me. He's asking me what kind of food I like, what I want him to make. I told him I'm open for anything, but spicy food makes me sick for days.

Um, his specialty is cajun food.

He assured me that he can make it non-spicy. However, one thing I've learned is that people from Louisiana have no sense of spiciness. Celeste once took me to a cajun restaurant and ordered my food, assuring me it wasn't spicy. I was sick for a LOOOOOOONG time after that.

Anyways, the point is sometimes I really like that guy...and sometimes I just want to kick him in the nards.

Colin the Courier may be back in the picture

Not to be confused with Courier Boyfriend, though.

Oh Kelli.

Saturday night, Kort and I went into the bathroom at a bar. As I washed my hands, I read a sign out loud. It was childishly written and said something like, "This is my only way to make money. I live on your tips. Please tip generously. Debra"

After reading it aloud, I said while laughing, "Who the fuck is Debra?"

Then right behind me, I heard, "I'm Debra." I turned around and it was a homeless lady handing out paper towels (to dry your hands). Embarrassed, I dumped some change into her jar.


Sometimes when I meet or see someone, I think of them pooping. It cracks me up. Especially if it's a really prissy, perfectly put-together or really gorgeous girl. Because you know everybody poops. And it's hard to be intimidated by someone or think someone's perfect if you picture them pooping.

July 14, 2008

Tom the Drummer and Jason the Brother

Friday: hung out with Daniel, sold my bed ($100), played video games, watched some movies, etc.

Saturday: picked up Kort, moved boxes from my townhome to the apartment, sold my couch ($25), went swimming, played old-school Nintendo games, hung out in the park.

So, while on Myspace, we had seen that our friend, Danny the rapper, would be performing at one of our favorite cafes that night, so we trekked downtown to see him.

After sitting through a really bad set of a rappers, we got to see Danny perform and he was awesome, of course.

After a while, we made our way to Falling Rock, where we met up with Kort's coworker and her friends. Tom the Drummer showed up and much fun was had.

Anne, Anne's friend Ryan, Kort, and Tom.

My guns:

Tom feeding his monkey tattoo a banana Kort found in her purse.

Sunday: met Kort at the train station to finish packing up my townhome, moved boxes, ate lunch, introduced Kort to a hot guy that bought Josh's bed, took Kort home, went to Daniel's house, left there, picked up Kort, and met some friends for dinner.

After dinner, Jay (frat boy I hooked up with a couple weeks ago) invited us to a drum circle. It. Was. Awesome. There were fire dancers and tons of drums. Very neat experience.

We stayed for about an hour, then got a text that Daniel's brother was in town. He had just moved here and Daniel really wanted to introduce him to Kort. Turns out, his little brother is NEARLY as cute as him. Both have the adorable southern accents and lots of tattoos. Plus, they're all brotherly-lovey-dovey because they hadn't seen each other in months.

Kort and Jason (the little brother) hit it off and even sang a duet together in karaoke.

Daniel also did karaoke and completely whored himself and his awesome dance moves.

So, after a couple drinks and a couple rounds of karaoke and pool, Kort and I headed back to Denver. I took her home and went over to Jay's house, hung out with him and his friends, watched a movie, fell asleep around 5 a.m. Woke up at 6:00 a.m. and drove home, slept for about a half-hour, got up, and went to work.

::lays down at desk::

July 10, 2008

I'm wearing an orange shirt with purple pants.

But my shoes match my belt so I consider this outfit to be fashionably successful.


The owner from Courier Boyfriend's company came by to introduce a new sales rep to us. I was chatting with them for a bit and he asked my name. When I told him, he said, "Oh, YOU'RE Kelli!" I must have looked confused because he said, "Jeremy (CBF) talks of you often." I got all frazzled and said, "Um, I hope it's good..." He said, "Oh, it's always very good."


The owner said Jeremy talks about me. OFTEN.

Tricky, Tricky.

The house is definitely going to foreclose. I've accepted this. If the lender decides to pursue repayment of deficiency, they can. This means, for example, that if my house sells for only $80K in a foreclosure auction, I am still responsible for paying the balance of my loan (we're talking tens of thousands of dollars, at least). I've accepted this.

However, now I'm wondering if Josh should be responsible for some of this repayment. Here are the facts:

- I purchased the house solely in my name, because Josh had a foreclosure on his credit (go figure).

- The only way I was able to purchase the house is because we added Josh's contribution to the mortgage as one of my means of income.

- Josh pretty much abandoned his portion of the mortgage in January. He advised that I should foreclose back then.

Sooooo...I feel that he should have to pay half of any debt incurred by this foreclosure. However, 1) it'll make the divorce more complicated, 2) I don't know if he'll agree to it, 3) I don't know if I can even make him pay legally.

I hate cats. I truly do.

1. They keep me up ALL night. If it's not because they keep jumping on me, it's because they getting into shit and making a bunch of noise.

2. They constantly want to cuddle. That's fine, but they want to cuddle with their claws or by drooling or by snuggling with the hand that is doing something (holding a phone, typing, etc). They can't just lay there.

3. They are messy. Yesterday, I had to clean up vomit. I had to also clean up the little trails of kitty litter that they bring with them. They're messy with their food.

4. They won't stop fighting. Seriously, it's LOUD. Dodo screams. She actually screams. It stops being funny when I'm trying to sleep.

However, this doesn't apply to Scar Cat. If he wants to lay with me at night, he just lays there like a dog. He doesn't move around or feel the need to "knead" my skin. He's about as cuddly as a rock. Or Kortney. Which is probably why she likes him so much. He doesn't make noise...just fucks with the other cats quietly. And that's fine. Do what you like...just shut the fuck up about it. And he keep his food down. What more could you ask for in a cat?

::throws kitties into river, snuggles with Scar Cat::

Men are annoying.

Daniel has a toothache. He texted me at midnight (which woke me up) to say, "I think I'm dying."

I told him I have painkillers and whiskey. Seriously, that's enough for me.

He just sent another text, "I feel like I'm gonna die. Is this normal?"

I replied, "Go to the dentist."

I know that toothaches can be a bitch. Hell, I needed a root canal for FIVE years before getting one. It was absessed by the time I got in. It was ROTTING by the time I got in. And I dealt with it...not whined like a little bitch about dying.

I got my root canal done and went straight from the dentist to downtown. I did shots with my coworkers, hung out with Zak and company, and then I went home with Kelly the Hippie...all while numb and sore from the procedure.

::stamps Rock Star on forehead::

**That being said, I'm going to feel really bad if he actually did die last night.**

July 9, 2008

I need to over-analyze myself for a bit.

- I consider myself an overachiever, for the most part. Pretty much all of the guys I'm attracted to are underachievers or slackers.

- The only two guys I really like blew me off...hmmm...but I'm the "dumper" with all the rest.

- Traits or history that would normally make a girl wary (such as Daniel having been in prison, _______'s obvious drinking problem) don't bother me. However, give me a guy with a steady office job, a keen sense of responsibility, a tame past, and conventional hobbies...and I'm bored to tears (Bowers, Leland, countless other guys).

I don't think I'm necessarily "slumming" it or picking guys based on my own sense of self-worth. I'm sure there's some part of my past that makes me overlook some things and look for more "dangerous" traits.

A friend suggested internet dating as a way to meet higher-quality dudes. ::shudders:: I don't know about that. I went on chat for a while and all the guys just wanted to talk about sex. I met two guys in person because they seemed cute, fun, and could hold a conversation.

They both turned out to be freaks.

I grounded myself.

I'm not allowed to go out anymore until my apartment is clean-ish and my townhome is empty. Yup. I'm grounded.

But I'm going to Falling Rock for lunch, so it kind of eases the pain.

Daniel and I had an argument

Last night, I took my sister to the airport and headed home to work on my apartment. Daniel and I had been texting all day and I mentioned that I was free that night, in case he wanted to come over. He said he was waiting on a package and once it arrived, he would definitely come over. By the time 10:30 rolled around, I texted to see what was up. Found out the "package" was just weed.

I was pissed. Now, I know this is a risk you take when dating a stoner. But for hell's sakes, it was just stupid. When I called him on it, he was initially jerky and lackadaisical. But once he realized that I was genuinely mad, he started freaking out. He asked if he could still come over and I said no. He said that he really likes me and it's hard because he knows I don't want anything serious. He's been confused and feels like he's going crazy lately. He missed me a lot and can't stop thinking about me and that makes him nervous. He's worried that he's too attached to me.

Soooooo...that explains his stupid behavior for the most part (trying to keep distance and acting moody, for example), but I'm worried this will go the way of Richard Ford. I do like him and enjoy being around him...but I'm not about to get into a relationship with him. ::sigh:: Why can't guys just be happy with a casual, fun relationship?

July 8, 2008


If you're going to eat a burrito from the vendor cart at 17th and Market, don't get the shredded beef one. There was more fat than meat. I nearly vomited.

Plus, they were out of watermelon chunks which just makes my stomach sad.

July 7, 2008

Oh Croman.

Guess who called me on my lunch break...


It was such a weird conversation. It went like this:

Croman: Hey Kelli!

Kelli: Hey...um, are you in Denver or something?

Croman: No. I live in Breckenridge.

Kelli: Ummm...okay.

Croman: Are you planning to come to Breckenridge soon?

Kelli: No. I don't really have a reason to go there.

Croman: I'm here.

Kelli: Riiiiiiiiiiiight.

Croman: Do you work Wednesday?

Kelli: Um, yeah. Why?

Croman: I'm having a pool party...you should come.

Kelli: I can't make it up there and back in one night.

Croman: Why not? It's only an hour drive.

Kelli: Ummm, how about you call me next time you come to Denver? And if I find myself in Breckenridge, I'll call you.

Updates on life

1. My little sister (the recently adopted one) is in town for a couple days. We went out last night with Kort and had a blast. She is so laid-back and cool, especially for an 18-year-old.

2. Scott had his baby: Keyanna Raine...about 6 lbs, on July 4th. Kayden was thrilled to become a big brother finally.

3. My apartment is in shambles still. I haven't had ANY free time to organize and unpack it lately. It's really frustrating...especially having a houseguest during this time. I still have no furniture for the same reason. The cats drive me nuts. I can't stand them (well, except Scar Cat, of course), but feel obligated to keep them.

4. I'm really embarrassed about this: Kayden has a weird thing about shoes. He doesn't like new shoes whatsoever, so he usually runs his shoes into the ground before he'll wear a new pair. Right before the WY trip, I told him that he needed new shoes. He whined a bit about how comfortable his current ones are. They were looking ragged, but no holes or anything, so I told him he could keep them a little while longer. I told him we'd buy new shoes once we got home, in addition to some water shoes he needs for the pool. However, in UT while spending the weekend with my dad, they bought him new shoes, both sneakers and water shoes. I was so embarrassed, probably needlessly, but I felt like such an unfit mother to have my dad buy his shoes.

5. My guy situation is just really weird right now:

- Leland, the boring guy who may or may not have been a virgin, texted me before my trip to WY just to let me know he had been tested for STDs and was clean. I said, "Um, was there any doubt?" He asked if I had been tested recently. Um, yes. Within the last 2-3 months. He then proceeded to talk about how he got tested with his ex a couple years ago and that it's always a good idea and if we got involved, we should do the same. Um, I can barely decide if I even want to see him again, let alone sleep with him. I don't know...just something about him bothers me. I think he's a big-time relationship guy and keeps saying stuff like "if we get involved." Uh-uh.

- Jay, the 22-year-old I met last week, called me while I was in WY to invite me out camping with his friends. I was disappointed I had to miss it, because I had SO much fun hanging out with him and his friends. He said he'll definitely let me know if anything else comes up. I texted with him a bit more. He's pretty sweet. I think this will likely evolve into a fun, casual thing.

- Daniel is pissing me off. We got kind of close right before I left for WY. We were hanging out nearly every free night I had and I admit that I found myself liking him more and more. While in WY, he texted me a lot, often saying he missed me, couldn't wait to see me. But once I got back into town, he acted really distant. He hemmed and hawed about whether to come and hang out with us last night. He finally decided to come out, but left after one drink. He texted me right after he left, apologizing for leaving and acting stupid. He added that he couldn't wait to see me again.

What I think is: 1) he's embarrassed for sharing his emotions like he did (about missing me and such), 2) he wanted me to swoon and fall at his feet and act like a lovey-dovey high-school girl. That's not me. If he says he's not sure whether to come out, I won't pressure him. I'll be fine whether he's with me or not. I'm not going to say, "Oh Daniel, please don't leave! I neeeeeeeeeeed you!" I'm not really upset about this behavior...mostly just annoyed. If he wants a girl who worships him, he needs to go find her. I would miss him for a while if I never saw him again, but I certainly wouldn't be broken up about it.

That's all for now.

July 4, 2008

Notes from Wyoming

- Got to hang with my brother...that was pretty cool. He's recently divorced too. Total man-whore, but he really just wants one girl for the rest of his life. He's always been a family guy. He's doing pretty good, which makes me happy.

- Got to see my dad and stepmom. Kayden is with them for the weekend and he is just on cloud 9 when he's around my dad. My dad is like a big kid in so many ways. For example, at the restaurant, Kayden whispered shyly to him that he had to "poo-poo". My dad looked at him and said loudly, "You mean you have to crap?" Kayden laughed for a solid five minutes at that.

- I've been texting with Daniel while here. I asked how his day was going and he said he drank too much last night. I jokingly responded, "Drinking your sorrows away, huh? Did it work?" He wrote back, "No, I still miss you." Aww...

- Lastly, I really miss Denver. I'm glad to be here with my grandma, but I also can't wait to go back home. I'm also excited to bring my little sister home with me for a couple days. I have more about the subject of my little sister...but that's another post.

July 1, 2008

Rex texted me.

Last night, I had sent a final text to him: "I'm not one to keep harassing someone so I'll leave you alone after this. I just wish you'd clue me in to what the hell happened to you."

Today he replied: "Sorry I haven't called you back...feeling like a dick. Kinda been talking to an ex girlfriend. Hope you don't hate me."

I replied, "Glad to hear you're not dead after all. Take it easy."

He replied, "I am such a dick..."

Finally I just wrote, "Don't worry about it."

Soooooo...that's that. I pretty much called that one. I was almost certain he got back with an ex.