May 30, 2008

I'm the most naive daughter of a drug addict ever.

Note from the Future: this kind of post is the reason I hesitated to post about 2008 for so long. But for whatever reason, I'm posting it anyways.

So, sometime in the last month or two (I seriously have no concept of time this year), I swung by my friend Ronny's apartment to get some weed. He gave me a bud and then he loaded his pipe. I figured I may as well smoke some for free with him. Plus he had his shirt off and I was really disoriented.

We smoked the weed. Then he said, "Do you want to smoke some opium?" I had heard of opium before, but didn't know anything about it really. So I said, "Ummm...what does it do?" He replied, "It's just like weed." I said, "I have to work tomorrow...does it have lingering effects or anything?" He said, "No, it's seriously just like weed...except that it tastes like flowers."!! Okay!!

Let's all pause for a moment to consider this. Me = stupid and not a little naive.

So I smoked it with him. Ummm....can I be the first to say that it is really fucking NOT just like weed? I actually don't remember a chunk of the night, but Kort tells me I was really wild and out of control. (She also tells me that Ronny is a little bitch.)

A couple days later, I was talking to Daniel or someone and he asked if I ever did coke. I said adamantly, "No, I would never do hard drugs." He replied, "Um, didn't you just smoke some opium?" I answered, "Yeah, but that's like weed..." He said, "Um, no...that's like heroin. It's where heroin comes from..." (or something like that).

Derpy derp. I didn't even realize. Jesus.

I now know what true loss feels like.

A delicious chai, first thing in the morning, in which I'd only had a few sips.

Once in the parking garage, I put it on the roof of my car along with my purse while I got everything out that I needed. Then, I pulled my purse off the roof and the handle caught around my chai.

And it hit the ground and exploded. I may have cried out in horror. And then I briefly considered licking the ground.

On the bright side, I'm wearing brown pants and shoes so the chai spill isn't really that obvious. Even more fortunately, I'm wearing a white shirt but the explosion didn't reach it.

Interesting enough...

A couple years ago, Daniel was in prison, for repeated weed possession (well, and some pills or another). That's not the interesting part.

The interesting part is that he was in New Orleans...during Hurricane Katrina. At this particular prison (OPP, I think?), the guards pretty much abandoned the prisoners and all hell broke loose. The prisoners starved, had to bust out, had to fight the elements...

Soooooo...Daniel was in the midst of that. I find this incredibly interesting.

Yes, I'm a nerd and a sucker for a good story.

Apparently I should be a unitarian universalist

Select Smart

I got 100% on that.

Here are the runners-up:

2. Secular Humanism (90%)

3. Theravada Buddhism (84%)

4. Liberal Quakers (84%)

5. Neo-Pagan (81%)

As far as Mormonism (the religion I was actually raised with), it was number 23 with 26%. No wonder I rebelled.

May 29, 2008

Richard Ford's latest text.

I haven't been in contact with Richard Ford for quite a while. Last month, he sent a text asking if I wanted to hang out. I politely told him that I wasn't dating anymore...or something like that. He was nice and said I'm a nice person and to call him if I change my mind.

But then, last Friday, I got this text from him:

"Bitch. Make sure the eyes aren't so heavy next time. I fucking hate you. Sorry. Bye."


I still don't understand what he means about the eyes and my expert slang-decoder (aka, Kort) was stumped as well.

Dude is insane.

Courier Boyfriend asked if I had been to the burrito cart

on 17th and Market. Seriously, it's a little vendor inside a cart. He made it sound like it was a hot club or new restaurant. I think he was just looking for something to talk about. So we talked about the burrito cart for a moment.

I "broke up" with _________.

(I put that in quotes because how can you break up when it was never a real relationship?)

Well, to be accurate, I "broke up" with his voicemail. Because I can't get a hold of him. I just basically said that I think I wildly misunderstood him when he said he wanted a relationship and that I think he's too busy to fit me into his life and that I'd see him around sometime.

And then I called and cried to Kort for a bit.

And then I texted with Daniel for the next two hours.

Currently bouncing between feeling like I overreacted and rushed into the decision...and knowing that it is for the best and he will never change. A friend pointed out that because he saw me with Daniel, he got jealous and just wanted me for himself--not necessarily a relationship, though. That's just what he said to make me monogamous. That rang true.

Soooooooo...I'm pretty upset, but that's life and I'll get over it. I just need to trust my (albeit cynical) instincts. I knew he was fucking with me from the start...but I ignored it.

On the bright side, though, while texting with Daniel, he remembered that I was supposed to go to UT and asked how the trip was. When I said I had to cancel, he replied, "I'm never get to have any fun." I gave him kudos for both remembering the trip and for the sympathy at not going.

Menver, I'm back!

May 28, 2008

As Kelli's World Turns

That'd make the most boring soap these days.

So, um, last I left off ________ never called as he said he would on Monday. I didn't expect him to.

On Tuesday afternoon, I went against my better judgment (which, in my defense, is really rather small and hard to find) and sent him this text:

“You don’t answer the phone, return my calls, or call when you say you will. What exactly should I expect from you?”

I feel kind of immature for resorting to text...but I figure it's one of the few ways to reach him.

Sooooooooooooooo...after I sent it....

He never responded. Of course.

I'll give him until tomorrow or Friday, then I'll try calling. I want to figure this thing out...I'm not going to be left hanging on a limb.

I feel like I'm being a child, but then again, I feel I have good reason...well, most of the time. I'm nearing the end of my rope, though. Actually, I'm pretty much there. I just need to actually get a hold of him to cut the strings.

Hmm...cutting the strings? At the end of my rope? Could I *be* any less original?

Help me understand, StupidAdmin.

The full conversation went like this:

Stupid Admin, holding an open envelope: Do you know where I could find one of those wet, licky things? (yes, she really used those words)

Kelli: Like a tongue? (being a smart ass, of course)

SA: ::awkward laugh:: I can't lick it...I'm having oral surgery tomorrow.

Kelli: ::stifles laughter:: ::hands over sponge-tipped sealer::

SA: ::scrapes dry sponge over envelope glue:: This won't work!

Kelli: Did you wet the sponge first?

SA: (silence)


I have a computer program that acts as a company directory and also allows me to call people from my computer by clicking their name.

My hand was resting on the mouse when I suddenly sneezed, my hand jerked, and I subsequently called a project manager by clicking his name.

"Um, sorry Justin...I...uh...mis-dialed."

Ruh-roh. Kayden lied.

I just discovered this morning that Kayden hasn't been doing his homework. I found it all shoved in a pocket in his backpack. He had been telling me that he either finished it at school, the teacher didn't have it ready, or he finished at his after-school care. It didn't even occur to me that he might be lying. When I discovered this, he got really pale and quiet. To his credit, he 'fessed up right away. However, when I mentioned that I would be calling his teacher, he started bawling.

So I pulled out a huge wad of papers and straightened them out. Even though it's the end of the year, he will be completing each and every one. I think he will also be grounded from video games until he completes them (sure to take at least a few nights). Lastly, I called his teacher and left a voicemail to explain the situation. I think there might be more to this, because it seems if he NEVER turns in homework...wouldn't she notify me at some point?

May 27, 2008

Courier Boyfriend is single.

He and his girlfriend just broke up. And then she was hit by a car. That's not really related. Except the fact that he told me last Monday that his EX-girlfriend had been hit by a car.

The bar can be upsetting.

Holy crap...I'm having the hardest time remembering anything.

Friday night: I'll start with what I remember. I found myself at Falling Rock with Kortney and Krystle. We ordered dinner and drinks. We had a blast. At one point, a couple cute frat boys came over and hung over with us. They invited me to be the singer of their air band, because I have the mad skillz.

And because I can fake-moonwalk. Throughout the night, several of their friends also came over to chat and hang out. Casey--Krystle's new man friend--showed up and they left on his was hot.

Kort and I went to a karaoke bar where we met up with Ian--Kort's new man friend. They sang karaoke, which was pretty much awesome.

I got home around 1 a.m. and ________ called at 1:30 to say he got off work early. He said he was exhausted and had to be up early, but wanted to see me. I said, "So, how about I come over and we just sleep?" He said that would be awesome. So I went over there...and we just cuddled and slept. Well, mostly slept.

Saturday: had to be back home by 8 a.m. to intercept Kayden from Scott. We lounged around the house for a while. I cleaned up, as always. Then we went downtown. We saw Speed Racer, which Kayden LOVED. Then we walked around some more, played with his Speed Racer cars, picked Kort up. Then we went back home in time for that photo shoot I had mentioned last week. That was a lot of fun: Kayden pretending to be evil, me pretending to be dead. By the time we got back home, it was like 7:30 so we just hung out around the house.

Sunday: spent most of the day working in the storage shed. I went through SO many boxes, getting rid of junk, separating Josh's stuff from mine, and so on. I found a WHOLE bunch of brand new CDs I forgot I had. Found brand new books that I forgot I had and so on. Once Scott came to pick up Kayden, I went to the music store and traded in all those CDs for cash. That was pretty cool. After a while, I picked up Krystle from the park and we went downtown.

The bar was pretty upsetting. I think there was something going on with the staff, because they were all acting kind of shitty. Found out _________ was working (surprise!), but he pretty much ignored me. He did find time to sit down and chat with another table full of girls though. One of my favorite bartenders snapped at me when I asked if they were still serving food. When I tried to close out my tab with another of my favorite bartenders, he kept snapping that he wasn't a waiter and I had to deal with ________ or Dan, neither of whom I could even get to acknowledge me. Finally, I just handed some money to _________ and walked off. We went and got some dinner, met up with Kortney.

Even though I wasn't feeling it at all, we decided to go back to FR for a beer. We got a booth and waited for a server, but no one came. So I went and sat at the bar to order a drink. Waited for about 5-10 minutes, but Bryan never took my order. I was chatting with Patrick (who works there). At one point, Patrick called out, "Bryan, what do we have to do to get a beer around here?" Bryan snapped, "What do you think?!" (implying, I guess, that Patrick should just get his own drink or something). Finally, I went back to our table--drinkless--and we left. I don't know what was going on there, but they were all being assholes.

Monday: this was a pretty good day. Kort, Krystle, and I met in a park downtown and ate breakfast together. We played frisbee dance-off and a couple guys joined in the fun.

Then we talked and sang and had a good morning and afternoon. Krystle turned into Anus-face:

We parted ways. I had a showing at my house, so I couldn't go home. I went book- and music-shopping, which was nice (all free, since I had exchanged those books I found in my shed). Then I went home, took a nap, watched a movie, should have but didn't clean, went downtown to my favorite cafe and wrote for a couple hours. Then Kort met me and we hung out for about an hour. By this time, I was feeling pretty crappy so I just went home and went to bed.

Overall, it was a great weekend...but the FR thing and the _________ thing really left me feeling kind of upset. I'm over the situation. As soon as I can even get him on the phone, I'm just going to tell him that he seems too busy for a relationship and I'm not going to be his beck-and-call fuckbuddy. Even though I like him A LOT, it's not working for me. I see him maybe once a week...for a couple the middle of the night. And when we do have free time, he would rather spend all of it with his friends. I'm not asking him to spend ALL of his free time with me...just, you know, once in a while.

Post-divorce relationships

I had read in several places (including divorcee message boards) that the first failed relationship/romance after you divorce can be a lot harder than the actual divorce. Now, I don't necessarily agree with that, but I will say that it hurts a lot more than I thought it would or should. Maybe it's because I *really* care for ________ or maybe it's because I just wasn't ready for a relationship (which I thought was the case anyways).

And, you know, this has been a problem with the men I've dated for a long time. They seem really great, but quickly seem to get "lazy" and act like they don't have to try anymore. And that just doesn't work for me. Maybe I'm just selfish or needy. Then so be it. I'll be selfish and needy...and single.

In any event, I'm absolutely done with relationships of any kind for a looooooong time. Once I end things with _________, I'm going back to casually sleeping and/or hanging out with dudes. Any more than that is just asking for trouble.

I have a pimple on a tattoo.

If I pop it, will it spurt ink instead of pus?

May 23, 2008

What to say?

So, I'll try to meet up with and talk to _________ tonight. How should I address the issues I've been dealing with?

"What do you want out of this little relationship?"

"Where do I fit into your life?"

"I want to see you more." (This has been said a couple times in the past to no avail.)

"Why do you still treat me like a fuckbuddy if you said you wanted more than that?"

No matter how I spin it, it sounds immature and needy. I know I just need to be honest about how I'm feeling...but what I'm feeling is that this wasn't worth giving up the other guys. Probably NOT the best thing to say.

So many gems when talking with StupidAdmin

1. She mentioned that she and her boyfriend live next door to each other. I said, "really? Did you date before this happened?" She said, no, after. Neither of them believe in living together before marriage. So, they got neighboring apartments instead. I said, "But do'm sorry, that's probably a really impolite question!" She said it was okay and yes, they do have sex...a lot. I apologized and explained that I have no sense of conversational boundaries. She laughed and said it was okay. She then went on talking about how her boyfriend spends the night almost every night.

Soooooooo...they live next door to each other. They have sex. He spends the night all the time. But they won't live together. Instead, they're just each paying rent. I find this really bizarre.

2. She told me about how she royally fucked up. She had to borrow some quarters from him for laundry. He has a coin jar. But instead of getting the quarters out of there, she saw a bunch laying on a shelf and took those instead. She did her laundry with those quarters. I think you can see where this is going.

Those quarters she used? They were uncirculated and part of the whole collection of Denver-minted quarters, four for every state released thus far. It was entire collection, worth a LOT of money. And she took $10 worth of the quarters and did her laundry with them.

I asked her how she was going to make it up to him. She said that she tried to buy a new set on eBay but they were the wrong ones. I told her that wasn't enough. I said she had to tell HIM to find the correct missing coins and send her the link. She could then purchase them for him. On top of that, she had to take him out for a nice dinner. She said, "I thought about sending flowers." I said, " him dinner, offer to replace the missing coins." I then advised her which restaurant to go to.

A conversation about menopause

Coworker was telling me about how she is taking vitamins and stuff to delay menopause...

Kelli: I think I would like menopause...

CW: No! It has really bad symptoms. You can't sleep at night--

Kelli: I can't sleep anyways!

CW: You get hot flashes--

Kelli: But I'm cold all the time!

CW: You have bad mood swings...

Kelli: I do anyways!

After a bit of bantering, she conceded that I would probably like it, after all.

May 22, 2008

Want to cry. Again.

Divorce is so fucking confusing and complicated. There are all these little rules and guidelines and deadlines and forms and if you screw anything up, you practically have to start over again.


Talked to Josh for the first time since February

He was a complete ass on the phone. We discussed some papers that had to be filed. Then I tried to discuss the matter of him taking his stuff. He said he didn't want any of it. I said, "Yes, I understand...but you have stuff here that your family might want: your grandma's afghans, that antique dresser, that Christmas thing your mom made, your pictures..." Then he said rudely, "I. Don't. Want. Any. Of. It."

I told him that if he won't deal with it, I'll call his mom to see if she wants the stuff. He said, "Don't contact my family." I said, "Maybe they want this stuff..." He replied, "If they wanted it, they would have contacted you." I said, "Not if they don't know I have it. How about you talk to them and if they want the stuff, they can contact me?" He finally agreed and hung up.

Only in our family.

So, Kayden and I are going to get our family portraits done. Well, not really.

My friend, Colin Kelly, is a pretty great photographer. He came up with an idea for a spooky, morbid photo that required a mother and child, so he asked me and Kayden to help him out. He told me the idea and it sounds pretty cool, so I'm up for it. It'll be just fun enough that I think Kayden will go for it too. The photo shoot is this Saturday.

If I like it enough, I'll get a large print to hang a normal family portrait. ::snort::


Good thinking, Internet! says I should vote for Nader, based on what I feel is important.

How bad is it that scrolling through the list of important issues, there were only about five that I really cared about? The rest I clicked "Neither." I feel like I really should care more about trade issues and health care...but I care more about legalization of weed, abortion, and gay marriage. Derpy derp.

May 21, 2008

Monolith Festival

A conversation in many parts.

Kelli: Look at the lineup for this Red Rocks concert in September! Among many others: Devotchka, Vampire Weekend, Del tha Funky Homosapien, The Kills, Justice,
Band of Horses, and CSS. Giggity giggity giggity.... tickets for both days are $100. I may do it.

Kortney: Are you really that into all of those bands? $100 is a lot to see a bunch of indie rock artists. This show screams hipster to me.

Kelli: ::throws self onto daybed:: YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND!

Kortney: Seriously. Check the concert schedules for the bands you like the most... you can probably get a chance to see each one of them, over the course of the entire summer, for less than $100.

Kelli: But there are, like, a gazillion bands playing. If I like each of those bands, I'm bound to discover some new bands I like in the lineup.

Kortney: Okay... I hear what you're saying.. but I wouldn't spend $100 for that show.

Kelli: Fine. As punishment, I shall lock you in my car and play this hipster music on repeat as loud as the speakers will take it.

Kortney: I like this music. You cannot punish me with music. Not even a little... All I'm saying is that we're able to see a lot of really great bands and discover new music for $7-$20 a pop all summer long.. you're paying $100 to go to the DUNDUNDUUUUNNN *Monolithe Festival* ooohhh.. aren't you progressive?!? I find large high-ticket festival shows pretentious.

Kelli: Are you MOCKING me?! Well, you know what? I was talking to a high-ticket festival show and it told me that it thinks YOU"RE pretentious. So put that in your pipe and I'll smoke it.

Kortney: I'm about to cry because you're actually hanging out with douchey high-priced festival shows... I thought you were better than that.

Kelli: Well, the high-priced festival show is kind of a frienemy, if that makes it any better. Like, I totally dig hanging out with it on occasion...but then it starts to grate on my nerves and sometimes I just get the urge to push it into the mud and tell it to "swim, Ducky, swim!"

Kortney: ...and that is why you're my soulmate.

Daniel wants to be friends.

Would it be bad/wrong/whatever to occasionally have lunch or hang out with him? He knows nothing will happen between us. It would be only as friends.

Am I just pushing it now? Trying to have my cake and eat it too?

(And yes, I really am this relationship-tarded.)

May 20, 2008

I hesitated to post this all day

Now I will be the first to attribute my attitude to PMS. But I'm seriously getting pissed with _______. Last week, I was worried that nothing would change and he would want to be just "monogamous fuckbuddies".

Then I spent a little time with him over the weekend, felt better...

Yeah, no. I'm pretty annoyed. He knew Sunday and Monday were my only free nights this week. He mentioned in passing that he would try to free up his schedule in order to hang out at least one of the days. He asked me to call him on Sunday when I was free. Sunday rolled around. I called him twice over the course of the night. Got voicemail both times, so I left it alone. Same thing Monday.

Maybe I shouldn't be annoyed. I don't expect him to spend all of his free time with me. But, oh I don't know, maybe he could meet up with me when I'm available instead of me having to wait until he gets off work in the middle of the night, just to see him for about three hours. Or else me having to go to the bar and spend money to see him. Yeah, that's about all I'll get.

I'm sick of it. Maybe this is one of those "relationship games" I've heard about, but I just don't even feel like seeing or talking to him at all right now. When we had our "talk," he mentioned that he thinks our different schedules will be the biggest problem. I agree, but I also think that he's not even trying to see me. If he wanted to see me, he would make time as well.

Not only am I feeling really stupid because I'm so hooked on an emotionally-distant guy WHILE I'm in the middle of a divorce, but also because I'm handling it like a typical dumb girl. I'm relationship-challenged and it just creates too much stress.

So, the moral of this bitchy rant is 1) I'm still in doubt as to whether he truly cares for me, 2) I don't think he really wants a relationship and this is pretty much just a sex thing, 3) this whole thing is just a stupid mind-fuck, and 4) even if I like him as a person a whole bunch, I could no doubt find someone who is more "into" me and would WANT to spend some of their free time with me.

And that's that. I'm taking a break from the bar...partly for financial reasons and partly because of him. I don't even want to go out because I meet all these hot, interesting, nice guys who are really into me...and all it does is make me really frustrated. Well, and because I really am broke and need to start acting the part. I've fucked around with my finances long enough.

May 19, 2008


Friday: after work, I went to meet all the Denver girls plus Kort's boyfriend and the two babies for dinner. We ate wings, ate ice cream, laughed way too much. I kept making Skyla cry, but I made Reilly laugh his ass off, so I figure they cancel each other out. After dinner, Krystle, Sean, Kort, and I all headed to Falling Rock. Once there, Krystle's friend Adam arrived and we had some drinks and had some more fun.

There were five of us, all drinking a good deal. When the waiter came to bring us our check, he pointed at me and Kort and said, "You two have all your drinks on the house." It made us feel really special in a cheesy way. Another thing, when I went to the bar to drop off the payment, _______ said (in front of everyone), "What time are you leaving tomorrow?" I said, "Not too early..." And he was like "Should I call you later?" Um, YEAH!

After leaving Falling Rock, we all went to the dance club and got hot and sweaty. We stayed there for a couple hours, then went home. I got home around 1:00 a.m., took a nap, then woke up at 3:00 a.m., went to ________'s house.

Saturday: we slept in until 9 or 10 which was super-nice. I left, picked up Kort along the way to K's grandparents house (had to drop off his movies and Xbox) so we could talk. Then we went downtown so I could take care of the bank stuff. Unfortunately, even though it was taken care of, it wouldn't be "finalized" until the trip to UT was called off.

But, I made the best of it. Kort and I had lunch, wandered around downtown, I drove home (dropping Kort off at the nail plaace along the way), showered, dressed, came back downtown (picking Kort up along the way), went to ______'s house for some afternoon delight. He had to work, so I drove him there, met up........KORT! lol

By this time, it was about 5 p.m. Kort and I walked about six miles total, ate dinner, lay down in the park, and talked and talked. Then we got up and went to Falling Rock again, sat on the patio, and had some drinks. It was slow so _______ was able to hang out and chat with us. We ordered chips and queso and a bunch of drinks, but only got charged for the C&Q. So we tipped our waiter $15 for the $5 tab. Then we went to our respective houses. I got home at 10 p.m. and was EXHAUSTED.

Sunday: woke up around 9 a.m., threw on shoes (I had slept in my clothes), ate breakfast in the park, and cleaned out my car.

I was organizing my storage shed, when a pile of boxes fell on my head. I bawled because it hurt so much. I went home, lay down for a while because I was feeling sick. Then I got home, vacuumed the whole house, cleaned the bathrooms, fixed my ceiling fan blade and curtain rod, cleaned baseboards, and just generally kicked ass around the house. Then I sat down, crocheted a bit, watched Rebel Without A Cause, ate a sandwich, hit a bucket of balls at the driving range, and decided to.......why, go downtown, of course.

Met up with Kort and Krystle, went to Falling Rock for dinner (seriously, we might have an addiction to that place). While there, we met Sexy Rex...who made me chant "_______" in my head...he was definitely my type and wasn't very subtle about my being his type.

He was really cool so we decided we'll all hang out friends, of course. Kort left with Sean, Krystle and I walked back to our cars, and went home. Was home for about 30 minutes before Kort talked me into coming back downtown. I packed an overnight bag, went downtown, we walked around a bunch, went back to Falling Rock, hung out with Bryan for a while, then crashed at Kort's house.


All last week, I had been really kind of anxious and a little annoyed about the ______ thing. I couldn't help but think that he was just messing with me, only wanted a "monogamous fuckbuddy" thing instead of an actual relationship, that nothing would change, etc.

However, after the weekend, I feel a lot better about everything. Not 100%, of course...I am a bitter, divorcing woman, after all. But I feel better.

We chatted a lot while I was there, had some fun. When I was out with Kort, I sent him a text message to let him know I cancelled the UT trip. He. Actually. Responded. This is damn near unheard of. He never texts. But he did. Moreover, we hung out twice in one day.

I had asked him about his weekend plans and he was, of course, super-busy the entire weekend (he has an even more active social life than me) and all the things he was doing Monday night. Then he asked when I was free. I said I *might* be free Monday night. He replied, "Turns out, I might be free then too."

All this being said, however, I'm still very wary of the situation...not quite trusting or willing to get too wrapped up in this. I've never been a bitter or cynical person...but I sure as hell am one now. Over dinner one night, I told Kort, "There are two kinds of guys in the world: the ones you'll hurt and the ones that'll hurt you. I think ______ will just hurt me." She said that was the most cynical thing she'd ever heard.

May 18, 2008

My Faux-Date with Cute Hippie From Train


Just wanted to say thanks, I had a great time talking to you last night. I do believe I talked your ear off. You seem like such a nice person who is also very
intelligent... If my girlfriend wasn't such a cool chick I might tell her to take a hike and ask you out on an "official" date, but I've said too much already... Anyhoo, call or email me if you want to hang out again sometime. Bye Kelli!


Why are all Peters scoundrels?

May 15, 2008

Absence of Friday

Alison the coworker: good's Thursday!

Kelli: you know that theory that says there is no cold, only the absence of heat...and there is no dark, only the absence of light?

Alison: ::confused:: Um, yeah...there is no white, only the absence of color...

Kelli: right!

Alison: ::even more confused:: Okaaaaaay...

Kelli: Thursday is not a real's only the absence of Friday.

Alison: so it's not like a real day...

Kelli: only the absence of Friday, yes. It's defined by not being Friday.

Alison: Interesting...

Kelli: the workweek is only the absence of the weekend.

Alison: so the workweek isn't real at all...

Kelli: Exactly.

Alison: You need to drink less coffee.

Stupid Cat, Part 1,000,000

I got a call that a realtor would be showing my house while I was at work. I said fine and was happy because the house was fairly clean.

After work, I walked in the door to find...

The cat had torn up toilet paper ALL over the place. Bits of toilet paper all over the living room, stairs, etc. Plus, its newest favorite hobby is to bite some of the yarn from my crochet basket and run like crazy with it. So there was yarn ALL over the place too.

I was so embarrassed by what the potential buyers and realtor must have thought.

I gave Courier Boyfriend my Vicoden.

He stopped by and we started talking about root canals and tooth pain and such. He told me he has a cracked rib and is in a lot of pain but doesn't have the money to go to the doctor and get Vicoden. I was like, "oh, you need some Vicoden? I have some..." I asked if he wanted it because I don't take it, but I got it for my tooth. I gave him the bottle (there were maybe four left) and he said "Oh wow...thanks!" ::snort::

I'm totally a white-collar drug dealer. Except I didn't get any money for it. So I kind of suck at the dealing bit.

I'm really bad.

I keep numbers of a ton of people in my phone so I'm not caught off-guard or unsure of who is calling. Even if I haven't heard or talked to someone in a month or more, I'll still hang onto their number.

For this reason, I will be keeping the numbers of Daniel, the courier, the hippies, Croman, and more...

But also for if/when things don't work out with _______...I will be calling them immediately.

May 13, 2008

I'm going to find a psychiatrist.

The sleep/night terrors/hallucinations thing is really starting to bother me. The breaking point was Friday night. I was at The Courier's house and was really relaxed. I wasn't even sleeping or close to it...and I found myself speaking without meaning to. I think I said something about putting pins on a map? It freaked me out because I didn't even mean to talk, but I did. Luckily, I don't think he noticed and I caught myself before it went any further.

Soooooo...not only am I seeing shit and talking in my sleep (and making phone calls in my sleep that I don't remember the next day), but now I'm starting to do this shit while awake? Nuh-uh. If I'm going to be crazy, I'm not going down without a fight.

I have a list of about 10 Denver psychiatrists who specialize in sleep disorders...hopefully, that'll be a good starting point.

May 12, 2008

I have to end things with Daniel now.

I feel really bad, because he likes me a lot. Plus, it'll get a little weird with Coworker who introduced us.

I will miss him. He is adorable.

But... I got a little pissed at him on Saturday night, so he probably won't be too shocked. He was pretty high and acted kind of disrespectful and snotty. At one point, he said he was hungry. I told him there were chips in my cupboard. He asked me get them for him. I told him to quit being lazy. He asked me to show him where they were and I agreed. Once I stood up, he said, "Well, since you're up anyways, how about you just get them?" Stuff like that.

Also, when I told him it was time to go, he got all huffy and annoyed and didn't even say bye.

He apologized profusely the next day and said he didn't really remember anything. Doesn't matter. I won't allow a guy to treat me like that...especially in my own house.

Oh Mom.

She called to wish me a happy mother's day, which was very sweet.

Among other things, she asked all giggly-like, "Are you still dating the Asian fellow?" I replied, yes, as well as the guy from Louisiana. She said, "He's not black, is he?" I said, "No, I told you before...he's white."

I find it so bizarre that she's 1) so excited about the two of us dating Asian guys, 2) that she's so racist against black people but not Asian people, 3) that she even has the nerve to be racist against ANYONE...what makes you so special, Mom?

Richard Ford texted me.


I feel bad for the guy. I haven't answered his texts in two months, but he still sends them occasionally.

I ignored his text and he wrote: "I'm gonna call that okay?" I finally replied, "I'm sorry, but there is nothing to say."

And he responded: "Don't be. Hey Kelli, you're alright. I totally fucked that one up anyway. Maybe call me one day."

Aww, poor RF.

Maybe I'll send out an announcement like we do at work: Attention men I have fooled around with or just given my number to...I am no longer available.

Try back at a later date.

Josh will be served tomorrow via certified mail.

And our anniversary is tomorrow. My timing is impeccable, as always. ::slaps forehead::

Oh. Dear. God. I have a...boyfriend?


Okay, so here's what happened. A little back story first: remember that time a few weeks ago when I acted like a 'tard and brought Daniel to Falling Rock, only to discover ______ hanging out there? I saw him, swore, and high-tailed it out of there. I hadn't really talked to _______ since then, figured he was mad but that he would get over it.

So, last night, Kort and I were hanging out and everyone was having a good old time and _______ seemed like himself again. We did shots, drank a whole bunch. We met a cool girl named Katherine and hung out with her. At one point, her friend ditched her so she kept hanging out with us.

Around 11:30-ish, Kort and I left and went to her house. I immediately passed out. At 4 a.m., I woke up and glanced at my phone and saw that ______ had called at 2:30 a.m. I called him back (he's a total night person, so I knew he'd be up still). He said, "Hey, we're here watching a movie...why don't you come over?" So I went over find only Katherine and him watching a movie. I instantly got weirded out, but tried not to read into the situation. I hugged Katherine and sat down. At one point, ________ looked at us and said, "what am I going to do with the two of you?" My weirdness of the situation went up a couple notches. Then, he said, "why don't we just skip the movie and get in the steam shower?" Okay, THAT pissed me off. I stood up and said I was leaving. He followed me, said I was being silly, that he was joking, and it wasn't like that at all. Katherine got upset and asked if she should leave. I said "no, of course not," but told _________ I needed to talk with him.

So, we went outside and talked. He said Katherine didn't have a ride home and lived really far away, so she was going to crash at his place...totally innocent. I believed that. Then we talked about what happened that Sunday I brought Daniel in. He said it really upset him that I basically dismissed him and treated him like shit (by not saying hi or anything...just turning around and walking out). I apologized and acknowledged that I had been a jackass, to which he agreed. I get the sense that he, even though he wouldn't admit it, was really jealous of Daniel. He kept calling him "that pierced punk" or that "pierced kid".

This led the conversation to where we were going with this. We agreed that we didn't like being just, well, you know. I said I wanted to be with him but he's too big of a flake (except I said it more nicely). He explained that he's the only child of a single mother and that he hated that his mom had so many boyfriends. He said he didn't want to be just "one asshole among many"...which I guess would explain his flakiness.

Then I asked what he wanted. He said he likes me a lot, that I "blow his mind in many ways," and that he wants to be with me. He also said that he wanted to see where this goes, but doesn't think it'll work out ultimately because of our schedules...but he'd like to give it a try. He also said that he'd be willing to "take on a family" in a sense, get to know Kayden someday (he still hasn't met him and I told him he probably wouldn't for a while).

He then asked what I wanted and I said I wanted to give it a shot also. He asked if I would be okay not seeing anyone else...I said yes. I asked the same, and he said he hasn't been seeing anyone besides me anyways.

Soooooooooo...we called it good, decided we'd like to make this work, but would try to not make it weird at the bar if it doesn't work out.

Needless to say, I'm pretty much scared shitless at the prospect of a relationship. But I like him too much to let him go...which is what I think would have happened if I said I wasn't ready to stop seeing other guys. I think it was really bothering him. While I do like Daniel and I really like being single...I think I like ________ more...enough to make that sacrifice. I always have. I think we have a great connection and I have a lot more fun and a lot better conversations with him than any other guy I've met.

After we talked and settled things (he said he was so glad we were able to have this talk...that we should have done it sooner), we went inside to find Katherine gone. I felt so bad and asked ________ to apologize for her next time he saw her (he said that was stupid, that I had nothing to be sorry about). We lay down on his couch and watched a movie. He asked when I was free next and that if I'm free tonight, I should just swing by...not even call first. Weird.

All in all, as I said, I'm pretty much scared...don't know what to expect. I'm worried about it not lasting, and then losing him for good. I'm worried that it won't be worth giving up Daniel and the Courier and the cute hippies and all the other guys I've been meeting. I think it will be worth it, but I'm just worried. This is me pretty much overanalyzing. At the same time, I am extremely happy that we're not in this gray area anymore.

May 11, 2008

My Mother's Day gift.

Last night as I was putting Kayden in bed, he said, "If you find something under your pillow, don't open it until tomorrow, okay?"

So, this morning, he woke me up to have me open my gifts. One was a letter he had worked on at school: "My mommy cares for me because she lets me watch tv." LOL! I think it was an assignment for his class. He was SO proud of it, though. He then handed me a card and said (and this is why I think he'll be a ladykiller in the future), "You got two gifts because you're so special."


May 10, 2008

Myspace message from a friend.

This guy was one of my BFFs in junior high and high school. We lost touch when I moved away.

Still have the same letters in your name as me. Shit, dude...I miss your ass these days. I wish I would have had the balls to ask you out. I'm single too, but the case is I just wanted to say hi. Give me a number. Nice to see you. I miss the crazy town concert* you spent outside with me. Lets catch up. Later, my old best school friend.

*Had to add that it was a Sugar Ray concert...I would never have seen Crazytown in concert. ::tosses hair::

I replied and at the bottom said, "I wish you would have had the balls to me ask me out too."

I had such a crush on that guy. I used to hang out at his place, like every night. Nothing ever happened though.

May 9, 2008

For all his flaws, I really like Daniel.

He came over last night to cheer me up (because I'd had such a craptastic day). At one point, he said that it really upsets him to hear when I have a bad day. He said, "I don't care if I have a bad day or if anybody else does...but it really bothers me to hear that you had a bad day."

He also said he can't wait to get better-paying jobs (he's a freelance carpenter) because he wants to buy me things. I said, "What makes you think I would let you buy me things?" He said "I would do it anyways...send flowers to your work and make the other girls jealous."

We watched movies, then fell asleep (cover your ears, Kortney!) while cuddling on the couch. I love that when we're just laying down together, he kisses me on the forehead, nose, top of the head.

Anyhow, this post has been brought to you by the fact that I've spent the last three nights hanging out with him.

May 8, 2008

Not helpful, Daniel.

I sent him a text this morning, apologizing for my stupid brain last night. He replied:

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You're just a little crazy, but I like that in my ladies. You make it home okay?"

Thanks, man.

Today is my worst enemy.

I just came back from the courthouse...divorce papers have been submitted. Paid about $200 for the privilege. Cried all the way back to the office. Even if I don't regret the decision, it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I find myself becoming more and more bitter each day about the whole concept of marriage, love, and relationships. Not to mention my whole opinion of men going down.

Got pulled over in the meantime. Apparently, there's a school zone about 50 feet across and two cops were stationed right in front of it, snagging about every car who rolled through there. Seriously, no flashing lights to indicate a school zone, nothing. Just a single school crossing sign (I had to turn around to see it) idea it was even a school zone. No idea there was a school right there. While the cop was taking my info, I saw about three other cars get pulled over at the same spot.

Because I was going 40 in a 20 mph school zone, now I have to appear in court. I just kept on crying until I got to the office.

Dear Brain o'Kelli

Dear Brain o' Kelli,

I am writing today to express my dissatisfaction with your performance of late. I know you find it terribly amusing to wake me up in the middle of the night and make me think I am seeing creatures or people in my house. And I will admit, we do share quite a laugh over these little tricks of yours.

However, I do not find it quite so entertaining when I wake up to find you are creating these hallucinations in the living room of the man with whom I'm sleeping. It is very hard to explain to him why I said I couldn't spend the night because I didn't want to sleep in a construction site.

I treat you well, right? I give you plenty of crossword puzzles and stimulating reading material and intellectual conversations that are like masturbation for the mind. We have a good time and get along swimmingly. However, if you don't put an end to these little pranks, I will be forced to slowly kill you and all of your jab of the Q-Tip at a time. I really want to avoid this solution, but if pushed, I will take drastic measures.


P.S. And cut the shit with the headaches, a'ight? They make me irritable.

May 7, 2008

Can I brag/complain for a minute?

Each night, I come home, put music on and cook dinner. Kayden does his homework and plays until dinnertime. During the preparation of dinner, I unload the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen or do some laundry. After dinner, I do any light cleaning and some more laundry. Kayden and I will usually play or run errands like going to the library or grocery-shopping.

On the weekends, I do my down-and-dirty cleaning and big errands (like storage-shed-hunting).

I feel like I get so much accomplished. The result, however, is I'm exhausted at the end of each day and don't really have much time to play with Kayden. I guess those kinds of things need to be saved for the weekend. But I make a point to do something fun with Kayden away from the house every Saturday/Sunday (museum, movie, hiking, zoo, etc.)

Also, I don't really have downtime to myself to read or crochet or just relax and watch a movie. The nights that I'm free, I find that the last thing I want to do is sit at home all night...since I do that every other night.

::sigh:: Anyhow, the moral to this post is that I'm kicking ass on getting all the things done that need to be done. But I don't have enough time for the "fun" stuff.

When someone asks

how you made some muffins, what the hell are you supposed to say? This was my response:

"Um, with zucchini and sugar and flour ingredients to make muffins?"

I mean, are they looking for secret ingredients or technique or what?

I look like Cindy Brady today.

I'm wearing an olive green turtleneck (very '70s color), white flared pants, and have my hair in braids.


May 6, 2008

Here's how you know you go to Starbucks too much

I walk in...

Barista: hi Kelli, how are you? ::starts preparing drink::

Kelli: Hey Kate! ::pays for drink::

Barista: How was Sunday? Did you and your friend have fun?

Kelli: Too much fun. How did it go with closing at the end of the night? (It was her first night closing on her own.)

And so on... As I was leaving, she said, "I'm sure I'll see you soon." I laughed and agreed.

::snort:: I *might* go there too much.

May 5, 2008


Denver's major freeway was closed this morning (both ways, I believe), causing MAJOR traffic and backups. I was about 20 minutes late for work, as was half the metropolitan area, I bet. It was hellish.

I heard on the radio it was because someone died and the death had to be investigated. Okay, that makes sense. It's understandable.

Well, I just learned that the person who died was a pedestrian. Um, what? On a freeway? Yeah, this person apparently tried to cross the busiest freeway in Denver...on one of the busiest areas. And got hit.

You mean that is a very bad and deadly idea? You don't fucking say...

Call me calloused, but I stop being understanding when such stupidity is involved

Something that bothers me.

At the bar, all the bartenders love me and Kort. When they see us come in, they give us hugs or kiss us on the cheek. They all call us darlin' and sweetie and whatnot. It's great. However, one waiter just started working there again after a hiatus. He doesn't seem to be "in" with the other bartenders just yet. Anyhow, last night, he ended his shift as we came in, so he came and hung out with us. That was really cool, until he started getting really touchy on me and making flirty or sexual comments. It was a little too much and I felt uncomfortable, but um, what do you do in that situation? I just played it down, made sure to not send any signals. After a while, he went and sat down by another bartender and they chatted.

I think the only way to see this through is to just continue to laugh off his advances and hope that he finds out soon that I'm seeing one of his coworkers. I could come right out and say so, but I'm not sure if _____ has told his coworkers. Don't really know how much he wants them to know and I don't think it's my place to tell them.

Emo, Ice Cream, and Iron Man

Friday night: I picked up Daniel on my way home from work and we hung out at my place. We got some dinner and movies and just spent all night chilling on my couch. We talked a bit and had fun. There were a couple times I got a little annoyed with him. I think, in general, I'm better suited emotionally and mentally for older guys. Daniel is about my age, but he seems so much younger to me. But all in all, it was fun. We watched Walk Hard and I Am Legend. Both of which sucked.

Saturday: picked up Kayden and we went to his cub scout event. It's at Dinosaur Ridge, which is basically a long hike with lots of mini-lectures along the way. We were there from about 9 a.m. to 3 p.m.

After what seemed like an eternity, we were able to leave. We went back home, took a nap, then went to the storage shed on a scavenger hunt. This seems to be a recurring weekend event. There's always some obscure item we need to find. This week it was the black and red Spiderman action figures and my checkbooks.

Went back home and cleaned for the rest of the night.

Sunday: Kayden woke me up at 6:30 a.m. Seriously. And when I commented on the time, he said he had been up for a while already. Sheesh.

I had an open house, which is why I had to do all the cleaning. We had to be out of the house during this time. So I took a shower, did some more cleaning, took Kayden to see Iron Man (pretty good), went to the park for a bit, then went to the bookstore. We also went out for ice cream at Ben & Jerry''s my little emo-in-training:

We then went back home, ate some lunch, I got a bad headache and took a nap. Woke up, made some dinner and then Kayden's dad came to pick him up. I then finished the revisions for one story, did research for another story, may have fallen asleep again, felt sick and feverish. Probably should have just called it a night and gotten some more rest.

But no, Kort called, so I decided to go meet her for a drink. Went to Falling Rock and hung out with Kort, Jeff the Angry Chinese Bartender, Patrick the Brewmaster, Sexy Dave, and a few other bartenders. God, I love Falling Rock. After a couple hours, we went to a European cafe and drank some tea and ate some fries. Got home around 1:30 a.m.

I almost killed Stupid Admin just now.

I put Reese's Pieces in the candy jar at the front counter. She walked by and said, "Oh, you put M&Ms in there? Good!" (because, remember, she doesn't like chocolate). I replied, "No, these are the fruit-flavored ones!" (Seriously, she makes it just too easy to mess with her.)

She said, "Really? They're fruit-flavored?" Just as she started to reach for the candy jar, I said, "Nah, they're Reese's Pieces."

She stepped back, gave me a shocked look and said, "I could have died! Those have peanut butter in them! I could have died just now!"

I said, "I told you right away...there was no threat." She replied, "But you could have forgotten! I almost died just then!"

I mock-wiped my forehead and said, "Wow! Then that was a close call." Pretty sure she thinks I'm a totally bitch now.

May 2, 2008

I think I sleep-called last night.

I swear to god, my brain goes to sleep at night, but my body keeps on going. It totally does whatever it wants. Or rather, the part of my brain that acts and thinks logically goes to sleep, leaving the rest of the brain awake to concoct images and scenarios that must be dealt with.

So, I had been texting tonight's plans with Daniel until I went to bed at about 10 p.m. Was completely wiped out. That should be the end, no?

No. I woke up this morning and very vaguely remembered a snippet of conversation. Um...but I didn't talk to him...just texted. Then I checked my phone log. Apparently, I called him at 11 p.m. An hour after I fell asleep. I don't really remember anything about the conversation, except that I was trying to explain that I have to be up early on Saturday. No idea what else was said.

Sometimes I want to pop open my brain, take the fucker out, and just kick the shit out of it...maybe even use it as a slimy football for a while.

Dear Time,

You are moving way too fucking slow. If you don't speed it the fuck up, I'm going to stuff you full of speed and then drop-kick your sorry mother-fucking ass from here to the next fucking dimension.


Anxious in Denver