Weekend Update

Good news: I had a blast on Friday with my girls. I had fun on Sunday with Kayden: we went out to breakfast, then golfing.

Bad news: Josh was a total bummer, as always. He was holed up in our room all day Saturday. I asked if he wanted to stay while Kayden and I went out to dinner. He insisted on coming, only to veto all of my choices. We finally settled on Chick-Fil-A...and he didn't even order anything. Just said he wasn't hungry.

::tears hair out::

Pushing Josh aside, though, it was a great weekend.

Do you ever just want to start over?

More and more, I just want to pick up and move somewhere completely random. Just me and Kayden. Some small town where life is simpler. I feel like I'm just stuck in the work-sleep-work-sleep rut and I hate it. There's more to life than just working so you can make money so you can buy more shit. Ugh.

Of course, after daydreaming about this, the realization that this wouldn't work out, that I would end up working just as hard but in a less exciting city and with fewer friends. ::sigh::

I'm kind of rambling. I guess I'm just bored with life. That's all.

Introducing the Bunnycake Hat

My friend, Bunnycake, sent some awesome yarn to me for a Valentine's Day present. I finally decided to turn it into a knit cap with a visor. I used the "City Girl Hat" pattern from the daily crochet calendar box. However, I don't know what went wrong, but both the hat and visor were insanely long. Since I didn't want to take apart the whole hat, I scrunched up the excessive rows in the back and sewed them together. Then, I folded the visor in half lengthwise and sewed it under as well. I'm fairly pleased with the results, but will likely use a different pattern in the future. Aside from the inaccuracies regarding length, it also consisted of nothing but front- and back-post double crochets, which I'm not a fan of.


Anyhow, here is the Bunnycake hat!

Sell Out

Yes, I'm a sellout. In the beginning, I mentioned that I wanted to use charms that couldn't be found on a "9-year-old girl's backpack". This included butterflies, fairies, horses, dragons, etc. Apparently, though, those are what sell. And I gave in to this.

And even though I'm not religious (and anti-religion, quite frankly), I make book thongs with crosses...because that's what people want.

Some More Junk

Just finished this baby blanket and hat set. I love the blanket but am wary about the hat. I tried the spike stitch on it and it just didn't turn out as nice as I had hoped.

And here's a blast from the past: this is the first blanket I ever made (hanging on the back of the crib).

It was for the same friend who received the conehead hat...bless her soul for being so patient with these strange gifts.

Finally, I attempted jewelry. Yes, crocheted jewelry. I don't know what I was thinking either. It was fun to play around with stitches and beads. Unfortunately, I used regular crochet thread so the shape doesn't hold up well (especially with the heavy beads I used). Maybe hemp or some other thick thread would work better. Also, I couldn't figure out the best way to create a clasp, so these "necklaces" just have a loop that goes around a bead.

I love the thick beads, though. I bought them from the Etsy seller, Susanclare. Very nice! I will probably end up taking apart these necklaces, though. The beads deserve better.

A Wonky-Eyed Hippo

My g-ma sent me patterns for the cutest little animals, so I attempted one. The result is this fat, little hippo with stumpy arms and wonky eyes. It's cute in a weird way.

If you can believe it, I actually make more than just book thongs. I swear I do. I wish I had the time to make more non-bookmarker items, but alas.

I had made a hat for my friend's baby but it was just little (read: a lot) too small. So I made this:

This would be a great fit...if my friend's baby happened to have a conehead. I just can't figure out how to make a hat the proper width. I need another lesson from my awesome grandma. In the meantime, my crafty friend has tied off the top of the hat so it has a little pom-pom.

I created this hat using a previously-used and loved pattern, but something's just off about it. Haven't figured out what yet.

Here's an adult hat (my first one all year) that turned out nicely.

After some input from friends, I added the detachable flower to the side:

The spiderwebs scarf...I started to make a baby blanket, using a pattern from the baby afghans book (mentioned below). I got bored with it, so I turned it into a scarf. Since it wasn't long enough, I sewed two additional sections on and added the fringe. It's a little spastic, but I like it.

I Lied

I lied when I said that book thong with the bra was my first one. I had forgotten about this...if only it had stayed forgotten:

Yes, it is miniature crocheted panties on a chain of yarn. And yes, that is glitter glue on the front. ::sigh::

At least they're functional:

A Few More Thongs

Another bookmarker I love (I'm starting to think I'm my biggest fan...). "Frame the One You Love":

Notice the blatant self-advertising in the first picture? I'm tricky...

A few more I particularly like:

I love this creepy bastard:

Etsy is Addictive

I've been a crocheting madwoman these past few months. So much so, that I feel I need to post the items I've been making here...if only to keep a record of what I've made. It's mostly been book thongs, which are selling pretty well. I was really excited when I sold some to international customers. I'm a nerd, I know.

Anyhow, here are some of my latest book thongs.

I named this one the Painless Pearl Thong on Etsy, and included a saucy description. To date, it's the item that gets the most views each week. However, since it doesn't sell as well, I think it's my description that people are viewing...not the item. Oh well...I love it.

The MLB/NFL bookmarkers:

April 26.

I noticed today's date was April 26.

I stared and stared at that date,

trying to remember why it was significant or why I should remember it.

Then I remembered it was from a Sublime song:

"April 26th, 1992...there was a riot in the streets, tell me where were you..."

Free Night

Last night, Kayden's dad and stepmom came to his soccer practice. After practice ended, Scott asked to take Kayden out for dinner. I said "fine, have him home by 8:30".

Josh and I then went out to Quiznos. We ate while I talked (he doesn't talk much these days). Afterward, we went to the liquor store, got a couple bottles of wine, then went home.

Upon arriving home, Josh said, "Wow! We still have an hour until Kayden comes home."

But instead of hanging out, he went to the bathroom, then went to bed. At 7:30. Didn't even say goodnight to me. Didn't even wake up when K got home to say goodnight. Just went to bed.

Children's Drawings as Art

Yeondoo Jung is an incredibly creative photographer who used children's drawings as his inspiration.

(Click on the picture for a full-size image.)

Dude is Sneaky.

I'm at home now, because Kayden was feeling sick at school.

It's so hard to tell if he's lying or not.

I asked if he ate lunch and he said, "Yes, and I ate the healthiest things because I didn't want to get sicker."

I asked if he played at recess, he said, "Yes, but I wore my jacket so I didn't get sicker...then I went inside early."

God Smites the AAP

This paper is an assignment to show how someone commits an Argument by Fallacy. In this case, I'm trying to show that when people use the bible or God as an authority on something, they are committing a Fallacy of Authority.

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God Smites AAP, Becomes Leading Authority on Childcare

Elk Grove Village, IL - In a stunning display of showering fire and brimstone late Friday night, God smote the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). Many believe the smiting was in response to the recent scandal of The Rod, a plastic tool used for the exclusive purpose of whipping a child.

There were no survivors of the holy blitzkrieg.

Organizations such as AAP, which has long been recognized as a leader in pediatric studies, have denounced The Rod as a form of child abuse. AAP has been noted as saying, “Forms of physical punishment, such as striking a child with an object…are unacceptable and may be dangerous to the health and well-being of the child.”

Clyde Bullock, auto mechanic by day and inventor/distributor of The Rod by night, said, “'I'm one of these simple people. The Bible is what it is—I’m not trying to change it. God is right. We have to have faith in that." The Rod’s advertisement quotes the following passages from the Book of Proverbs:

• Proverbs 23: 13 - “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.”

• Proverbs 23: 14 - “Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.”

• Proverbs 22: 15 - “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.”

"I had my doubts initially, just like any parent would,” Becky Borden, a recent purchaser of The Rod, stated. “But when I began re-reading passages from the good book, I realized that this was the Lord’s way of guiding us. ‘He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.’ That says it all right there. I live my life by the good book. It covers all aspects of everyday living…like a manual for life. For example, my eldest boy once directed profane language at my husband. We talked and talked about how we should punish such an act. Finally, our minister pointed us to Exodus 21:17: ‘He that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.’ And we certainly miss Bobby now, but we feel he was punished by the Lord’s standards. When you have the Lord at your back, you can’t go wrong.”

Along with the now-defunct AAP organization, the American Psychological Association (APA) has also expressed their concerns about the effects of corporal punishment on children. Dr. Elizabeth Gershoff wrote: “Corporal punishment was significantly associated with…poorer moral internalization, quality of relationship with parent and mental health—as well as increased rates of abuse by a parent in childhood aggression, criminal or antisocial behavior, and abuse of own child or spouse in adulthood.”

Phone calls to the APA were not returned, nor has any APA staff been spotted since Friday night’s display.

When asked about his strong-armed actions, God replied, “Frankly, I was getting a little tired of My word being questioned and doubted by these people, these college-educated pediatricians and psychologists. I don’t care if they went to medical school for eight years. I’m all-powerful and all-knowing, for hell’s sakes. I believe I would know more about how to raise a good child. A lot of people think there was some grand plan for erasing humanity’s sins by sticking My son on that cross. Nah…he just had to be taught a lesson. Even as adults, your children can be disobedient and need to be disciplined. If only the Rod had been around back then..."

The Last 15 Minutes.

1. I bribed the office manager into taking the phones for me while I ran to Starbucks. I had to buy her a drink, as well.

2. When SB makes a drink exactly how I want, I nearly piss myself with pleasure. And no, I'm not exaggerating. I think I may be addicted. And no, I don't care.

3. While walking back to the office with two drinks in hand, I looked up at the sky. I thought, "Wow, we really do live in a gorgeous world." Then I saw Dreadlocked Soccer Player's picture on a banner. I stared at it while walking and tripped over something unseen. I spilled much of office manager's drink. Luckily, my own piss-inducing drink was spared.

4. Upon returning to the office, I stopped at the restroom and was actually scared by my own appearance in the mirror. My eyes are really red and puffy right now. At the suggestion of Nosy Coirker, I may try Preparation H to reduce the oh-so-tired look that has become my norm.

5. Until this caffeine kicks in, my words are slurred and I sound drunk while answering the phone.

6. Quick check: am I drunk? When was my last drink? Oh, okay...I'm fine. Just sleepy.

7. I finished my cave story last night for anyone who's interested in re-reading that monstrous thing. I'm not entirely happy with it.

8. Wait a tick. #7 didn't happen in the last 15 minutes. Why did I include it? Nor did #6. Hmm...sneaky numbers.

9. Does anyone else like the Moody Blues?

Kids are strange.

Kayden and I were looking at a photo album from when he was a baby.

I tried for about an hour to explain to him about

counting a baby's age in months instead of years.

He just didn't grasp the concept. I finally gave up.

However, at one point he said,

"I know how to spell 'mommy'" and proceeded to spell it.

He then said, "M-O-M, that's a palindrome."

This is my life.

I spend all day having orders barked at me by bitchy admins. I spend my evenings with my mucho grumpy, lazy husband. I get to spend time with my mucho adorable and awesome son...but only about an hour or two, then it's his bedtime. Most of that time is spent doing homework anyways. And twice a week, I'm cleaning until midnight.

This was last night: work from 8-5, school from 5:30-7:00, traveling from 7-7:30, eat and say goodbye to K from 7:30-7:45, clean from 8pm-12:30 a.m. Go to bed around 12:45...couldn't sleep due to husband's snoring and farting.

I'm already paying for an extended kindergarten program and after-school care for K. Now I feel it's necessary to pay for before-school care. Usually Josh takes him, but J has been sleeping in later and later, bitching when I remind him that K has to be to school in 10 minutes. I'm unable to take him myself, due to my long commute. I hate that K has to be in school for 10-11 hours.

I want to go back to Vegas where there are no responsibilities or worries. ::cue violin::

I'm a flirt in the worst way.

Cute Coworker #52 commented on how I've replaced the pastel Easter M&Ms (that sit on the front counter) with regular M&Ms. He said that he felt Easter was over now and I've ruined his festive spirit.

I apologized.

He said, "You want to know how to bring by my festive spirit? Come to work tomorrow in a bunny costume."

I replied, "I have a bunny costume, but it's not work-appropriate."

His jaw dropped and he blushed, giggled, and walked back to his desk.

A(nother) pet peeve about parenting

I really, truly hate when parents talk sarcastically or rudely to their young children. Well, talking to any children that way is awful, but young kids don't understand sarcasm. Also, I hate when they use childish comebacks. Here are some examples that I heard at Kayden's soccer practice. These are all from the same woman:

"Sucks to be you!"
"What part of no don't you understand?"
"Drama queen!" (when the kid got hurt and started crying)
"Uh, duh, Derek!"
Said to another parent: "He's a pain in the ass...and I even tell him that."

Okay, there's a lot worse that could have been said...but jeezus, man...stop treating the kid like he's some whipping boy and show him a little respect. This chick was obviously looking for laughs at her kid's expense.

Also, I HATE when parents notice their child doing something bad but won't do anything about it. Another mother (who quickly made friends with the first, not surprising) just watched as her kid pushed down other kids to get at the ball. She even commented on it several times:

"He should be in hockey! He's all about checking people."
"Look at him just push them out of the way."
"Hahaha...Tyler is involved in every accident."

I got madder and madder. I was ready to tell her to control her fucking kid (who had pushed Kayden down a couple times and several other kids), but practice ended. Another day, I guess.

In any event, Kayden is the second-best kid on his team. The coach kicked the ball far away and the kids had to dribble the ball back to him. The dude won the second round, beating over six other kids back to the coach while keeping the ball under control. It was great.