Josh is getting worse.

It's just little things...nothing major.

The Dude wanted to play the Shrek computer game that is installed on Josh's computer. Josh said it was too late that night, and if he reminded him the next day, Josh would set it up. I agreed with that decision since it was too late that night.

The next night, Josh was on my computer. The Dude asked him if he could play the game. Josh got annoyed and said, "No, not tonight."

Dude said, "Then can I play Blue's Clues?" (which was installed on my computer...the computer Josh was currently using). Josh flipped out, pushed the chair out, and yelled, "I never get to do what I want" as he stormed upstairs. He threw a laundry basket on the floor, pushed some stuff off the love seat, and stayed up there for the rest of the night.

This bothered me for a few reasons:

- If Josh promised the Dude he could play the Shrek game the following night, he should have kept that promise.

- Josh didn't have to get off of my computer. The Dude could have found something else to do.

- Josh overreacted big time, scaring the kid, who had no idea what he had done wrong.

I don't know. I'm trying to be supportive of him and his depression, but this is childish and unnecessary. Moreover, he mostly acts this way around the Dude. He finally emerged from the room after the Dude was in bed and only cheered up when it was just the two of us.

Later on that night, I mentioned to him that a local art gallery was having a lecture on the history of punk rock. I asked if he'd be interested in attending (because he loves the Ramones and early punk). He just said no. When I asked why and said that I thought he'd be thrilled, he just replied (only partly joking), "No, it sounds like something I'd have to leave the house to do."

24: The TV Show.

I'm pretty sure many of these are ripped-off Chuck Norris jokes, but oh well.

Stolen, but still funny.

Basic Truths About 24's Jack Bauer

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

When Jack Bauer pisses into the wind, the wind changes direction.

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "<>

Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.

What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.

If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.

When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.

The bumper sticker on Jesus's car reads, "WWJBD?"

Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.

Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

An Internship?

I had brunch with a good friend on Saturday. She's a teacher to high-risk teens at a high school and the coordinator of a teen parent program. She is writing a book about teen parents.

After talking for several hours, we decided to see if this is something that could turn into an internship for me. Since this is my field of study, and since it would be during the weekends, it couldn't be more perfect.

I just wrote to the internship coordinator at my school to give details and find out if this could work out. I am seriously praying that it will. This would mean working on a book during the whole process, with the ultimate goal being a published work.

I'm biting my nails until I hear back from her.

Marriage.

I would never get married again.

I don't regret marrying Josh.

But if we divorced, I would never remarry.

Not even a civil ceremony.

Charlotte's Web.

I just finished reading this to the Dude.

I got all choked up when Charlotte died.

Even though I've read the book tons of times,

And even though she's a gross spider,

much like the hundreds of gross spiders I viciously kill every year

without a second thought.

It always gets me.

Bad Mood.

Everything seems to be aggravating it.

I had nothing to wear this morning.

I feel too fat for all of my clothes.

I finally picked out an outfit consisting entirely of clothing

which makes me feel insecure:

the sweater is ripped;

the pants are too short;

the shoes don't match;

the socks are just retarded.

I still have the headache from yesterday.

I got very little sleep, because I woke up in the night feeling nauseous.

Every time I drifted back to sleep, I felt like I had to vomit.

I don't know why I came to work, except I feel guilty.

Why do I feel guilty about staying home even when I have a legitimate excuse?

I'm cursing myself right now.

As soon as I got to work,

the first thing I see is a snotty note from the accountant about how

I need to create some tabs for her.

It's apparently so important, it must take precendence over all other tasks,

but not so important that she can't just do it herself.

I cursed her note, before remembering that

the office manager was right behind me.

Therapy.

We went to marriage counseling again. It was much better than the first session.

The doctor thinks I have a high level of anxiety,
and Josh has a moderate level of depression.

We discussed communication techniques.

It has led me to believe that although I'm very vocal about my emotions,

Josh just doesn't pay attention much of the time.

We talked about how Josh never wants to do "fun, family time."

He said, "But I rarely take time off from work, so when I do,

I want alone-time or alone with Kelli- and Kayden-time."

I reminded him that he has never taken time off just to be with us or to be by himself.

Grapes.

Kooky co-worker just came up to me, carrying a grape.

The grape appeared to have either smooshed strawberry

or menstrual slough smeared across the top.

She said in a baby voice, "Look, it's a Kelli original! Doesn't it look like it's wearing a little knit cap?! You should take a picture and post it on your website."

I giggled for her benefit while screaming "You're insane!" inside.

Company Email.

It’s that time again…we’re clearing out old products. As always, it’s first-come, first-served…whether by phone call, in person, or by email. Unless you are willing to step inside the Cage of Death (also known as the Large Conference Room) and fight, in which case, the item will be given to the last man (or woman) standing. But please make sure to use the Outlook appointment scheduler first.

Anyhow, here are the items. They are all free and must be picked up by today (or at some point over the weekend):

- 2 laptop locks (only one key per lock)

- 1 Blackberry 7250…apparently the “S” key doesn’t work. Although this may seem problematic, I’m sure the “C” will work as a good letter replacement.

- Palm Pilot m500 with cradle

- 3 cream-colored monitors…apparently work fine

- 2 cream-colored keyboards…were used by those rascally field guys so I can’t vouch for the current performance.

- 1 set of cream-colored speakers

Snappy.

Every weekday morning, I get up while my husband stays in bed for an additional 20-30 minutes. While I'm getting dressed, he watches me, occasional making an aroused noise or phrase ("hubba-hubba," etc).

This annoys the piss out of me. But I don't know why.

If it's a weekend, I don't mind.

Am I just particularly bitchy on weekday mornings? I wake up around the same time on weekends, so I don't think it's the time, per se. I don't think it's the noises or comments he makes either.

I'm really confused as to why I am so bothered by this. Maybe I just really don't want to go to work.

Jealous of a character?

Remember how I had an uber-nerdy, erotic dream involving a character from a book?

I told my husband about it the other night. Of course, he made fun of me "and my new boyfriend" all night. I'd expect nothing less.

But then, late that night, he said, "Do you think it's weird to be jealous of a fictional character?" I laughed.

The next day, he mentioned something in passing about the character. I asked how he knew that. He replied that he had googled the character and had looked him up on Wikipedia. He said he had to "scope the competition".

Ever since then, when I read my book, he acts like he's been slighted. He's so weird. I really think he is jealous.

Ew.

I just ate honey mustard pretzels.

Now, every time I exhale,

it's like I just farted out my mouth.

Slow Going

I've created my Etsy shop, but it's slow going. From what I hear, low sales are typical for starting out...especially in January. Oh well. I'll keep plugging away. After all, as I said earlier, I would be crocheting, anyways...the money is just an added bonus. I must remember that. Oh, but it's hard...

Anyhow, here are a few items I've finished lately:

Since book thongs are so simple and quick, I go a little crazy with those. Here are some from my "Tea Collection" (not too creative, am I?). I bought the little tea charms from Walmart, I believe.

Here are some more book thongs from the "Big Girl Panties" Collection, using the charms from SkyBluePink:

The original book thong...

Getting sick of book thongs? Here are some hats...

I made this hat from the same pattern as the hat with earflaps and braids below (from "The Happy Hooker"). Since I wanted a boyish hat, I kept it braidless and pastel-less. Since the pattern called for the big holes at the bottom of the earflaps, I decided to sew buttons on, to make it a little more versatile. Here's the result:

This hat is one of my favorite pieces to date, but sadly, it hasn't received very much attention on Etsy. I may end up keeping it, though. My son loved it, as well, so I may just give it to him.

This baby hat is pretty much the same as below, just different colors...

This handkerchief was actually one of the few projects I actually finished while starting out. I had forgotten about it until recently, when I found it stowed away in a box in the basement.

I found the styrofoam heads at Sally's Beauty Supply for about $2.50 each. I think they are awesome for displaying hats and taking pictures. I just wish I could find a baby head for all the little hats.

I've reached a new low

...even for me.

Last night...I had a...

::cough::

...sensual dream involving myself and...



Wait for it....



...a literary character.

From a book.

And not even a character who has been adapted to the movie screen.

And it was hot.

Book nerd.

My idea of a good time is to read character analyses on Wikipedia.

Rock on, rockstar.

Crocheting for Money?

I've been getting lots of requests lately for certain items, so I am creating a website. Yay! Once it's up and running, people will be able to browse styles and place orders through it. Hopefully, I could make a little money doing something I would be doing anyways. For now, some of my items are listed at http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=5178801.

Here are some new projects I've finished:

A bunch of basic baby hats...

I wanted to make an adult hat with earflaps and braids, but messed up somewhere along the lines. Instead, this hat is suitable for a toddler.

I've been going overboard with book thongs. They're so simple to make! I wanted to show the different lengths, but the lighting is awful.

This one is my favorite:

This is something you don't think about at the wedding.

How would you tell your husband you made an appointment

to see a marriage counselor

because you are very unhappy with the way things are going?

Rearranging.

We're going to move our love seat up to our bedroom and bring the huge bookcase from our room to the living room.

It sounds weird to have a loveseat in the bedroom.

But that way, we can have a little reading nook in the living room,

and Josh can have a place to work on his computer in privacy (on the loveseat).

I'm weirdly excited by this.