March 28, 2007

Bah, the computer!

Josh is getting to be so fucking lazy. This has been increasing along with his depression.

On Sunday (after cleaning at my part-time job for five hours), I came home and cleaned some more. When he got home, I started doing laundry. He played on the computer.

I put Kayden to bed and read a story. He played on the computer.

I started to put away our clean clothes. He started to help, but grew bored...and played on the computer.

After the laundry was done, I had to kick him off the computer so I could do homework.

He was home all night last night. No Kayden (who was at his dad's house for the night). No Kelli (who was cleaning an office until 11 pm). What did he do? Played on the fucking computer. Dishes are piling up in the sink. Our living room is a mess. There is still laundry to be done. Litter boxes to be cleaned. Basement to be vacuumed. ::sigh::

I seriously think it was a mistake for us to get at-home internet access. While I can control my computer habits, he can't. If he has a moment to himself, he's at the computer.

And the whole cleaning thing...I've been talking about hiring a cleaning lady (again). He protests, saying it's such a waste of money, and he won't pay for it, and we can clean ourselves. Uh, no. Obviously we can't, and for the sake of my sanity, I don't want to come home and clean. Of course, he won't help pay for the cleaner.

All of this is driving me fucking crazy.

March 27, 2007

Quick summary of the last 15 minutes.

1. Nice guy at the bank credited my account with $93 (the cost of three insufficient funds fees). I'm still broke, but at least my account has some money in it.

2. Attack of the sweaty pits again! This is going to be a loooooong summer. Anyone have deodorant recs?

3. Super-hot new employee is at the office right now. Pretty sure he saw sweaty pits.

4. The weather is great. Clear, warm but with a cool breeze.

5. I bought a chai. I am now inexplicably happy.

6. I'm wearing my jacket now until my pits can control themselves. While I'm not uncomfortable in my jacket, it does clash with my outfit (orange sweaty shirt, brown pants, brown shoes).

7. Fellow admin is a ghey-tard. She ordered a set of drawings, then went to lunch. When the drawings came back (delivered by Courier Boyfriend, natch), I placed them on her desk. She asked me to please leave the drawings up front, as she does not like having drawings on her desk. And you assume that I like having them on my desk? She even said, "It would be a big help to me." I nearly laughed in her face and said, "And what gave you the impression that I want to do anything to help you?"

8. Per #7, I am obviously a bitch. Many of you know this already.

9. Per #8, I don't care. Because you guys are bitches, too. And I love you for it.

10. Per #10, I don't think I'm using "per" correctly.

11. It's been too fucking long since I've had my chai. My body cannot handle it, nee my fingers can't handle it. I keep misspelling words in my effort to write really, really fast. But the anal speller in me is forcing me to go back and rewrite the word.

12. I wonder if I used "nee" properly.

13. ::passes out on desk::

March 25, 2007

Bad Grandpa.

My grandpa is on the phone.

Every time I talk to him, he is so nosy and pessimistic. I mentioned to him about Josh's brother.

He replied, "Why didn't you call me when it happened?"

"Because, g-pa, it's been an intense couple of weeks...I haven't called anyone."

Then he asked how Josh is doing.

He said, "Are you still living together?"

"Yes, g-pa! We're still together!"

"Well, I know you two don't have a close relationship...always taking trips apart."

"How about your day job? You're not getting yourself fired, are you?"

"G-pa, you don't think too highly of me, do you?"

"How about your credit cards? You paying them off?"

"I'm working a second job to pay them off."

"Oh honey, you're just slipping deeper and deeper into debt."

He's just trying to protect me, I know...but god! He makes me feel so shitty about my life.

March 22, 2007

Vampire Wine

In his latest quest to drink more at home, Josh went to the liquor store and picked up some beer (for him) and red wine (for me). One of the bottles he picked out is called Vampire ($10-ish). He said he thought of me as soon as he saw it. That's weird.

The wine is tasty, though.

March 17, 2007

About Andy

My depressing thought:

Since Josh's b-day had fallen on a Monday this year, I was going to schedule a birthday dinner for tonight. I was planning to invite his sister, best friend, and brother. Instead, we'll be cleaning out his brother's apartment. Life is sure a bitch sometimes.

One question:

I always wonder if people feel differently on the day they are going to die. Not that they are aware of what will happen...maybe they wake up feeling anxious or something. I don't know. In any event, apparently Andy was very anxious the night/early morning of his death. He called some friends (trying to get them to hang out with him), logged onto his Myspace, and drove around for hours after midnight. We found out yesterday that he had been mugged last week, which could have been part of his anxiety. But I think he was unhappy and lonely a lot of the time. Plus, he was a typical 20-year-old, living on his own for the first time. Tough times.

I do wonder, though, if he was just tying up loose ends. As I've mentioned before, he rarely called Josh (usually it was vice versa), but he actually called Josh less than 8 hours before his death. That kind of thing makes me wonder...

Oh, and one morbidly-ironic thought:

I so happily bought a t-shirt Josh for his b-day a week ago. It is a zombie Jesus shirt ("And on that Sunday, he rose from the dead...hungry for brains!"). I felt like a complete jackass when it arrived on Wednesday, the day after Andy died.

March 13, 2007

Oh no.

Josh's little brother died this morning. He was killed in a car accident. He had just barely turned 21.

I feel so bad for Josh, and I can barely stand or breathe from crying so hard. I just want to scream at Andy, "what the fuck were you thinking?!"

No one has details yet (aside from what's been posted on the news sites). Although it hasn't been mentioned, everyone is wondering if Andy had been drunk. It was a one-car crash, so it's sitting in everyone's minds.

Kayden is going to my friend's house tonight, and I think I'll wait to tell him tomorrow when I can be there with him. He is going to be so fucking heartbroken. He loved Andy. He's never had anyone close to him die before, so this will be a big shock.

The strange thing is that Andy actually called Josh last night (on Josh's b-day). That is damn near unheard of, Andy doing the calling. Jesus. I can't even imagine what Josh must be feeling. Josh was 12 years older than him, and helped raise him as a baby.