September 20, 2011

Things I Forgot to Post About: Part Two

Here is the second post in an ongoing series of crap I forgot to mention months ago.

Def Leppard and Heart Concert

Okay, this was actually just a couple weeks ago. But summer was about two weeks (and a month) ago, so it totally counts.

I had received an emailed concert newsletter a long time ago in which I learned that Def Leppard and Heart were touring together and would be coming to Denver. Back then, I thought, "I'm definitely going to this." See, as a wee child in Utah, I was in love with both of these bands. In fact, my favorite song for a long time was "All I Want to do is Make Love to You," despite not knowing what it was about. So to see both of these bands in one night? Holy mother of crap.

However, as August drew closer, I realized I wouldn't be able to make it after all. What with packing for our move, getting the kids ready for the new school year, and trying to conserve money...it just wasn't going to happen.

That is, until an angel named Alison emailed me to ask if I wanted to accompany her. Despite all the aforementioned reasons why I shouldn't go, the universe wanted me to go and that always trumps logic and responsibility.

Well, the concert was fantastic. Really amazing. Both bands sounded as if they were still young lads (and lasses) of the '80s. Unfortunately, I discovered my smartphone's camera takes pictures like it was made in the '80s, so this doesn't convey the full awesomeness of the show.

Heart:

(If you click on this picture for the full view, you can kind of see Ann Wilson in the middle of the stage and Nancy Wilson off to the left.)




Def Leppard:


And then it was at this point that the concert blew my camera's mind:



(If you look closely, though, you will see Elliott on the huge screen at the left.)


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Kelli the Trapped-Animal Whisperer

So, I work out of my boss' house, right? I have an office in his basement with a large window well. When the weather began warming up, I discovered a job perk very quickly: wild animals that fall from the sky and need rescuing.

The first was a baby mouse. Well, I didn't so much rescue it as I nearly stepped on it. With my bare feet. Fortunately, I didn't. I noticed movement in the dark copy room and halted mid-step. I flipped on light and there was a tiny, twitchy mouse. It just sat there, jerking like I do when I've opted for a large latte instead of the usual medium. I got down on my hands and knees for a closer look. And there it stayed. Just as I was preparing to scoop it up with a piece of cardboard, a coworker picked it up with her bare hands (meep! Rabies!) and took it outside.

That same week, a bunny fell from the sky. Right into my window well. I heard a big thump, which I ignored. Then a second thump. I looked over to see a little pair of eyes looking right back at me.


After discussing a plan of action with my boss, I climbed into the window well where the bunny hoppedhoppedhopped all around the metal walls. I finally caught it and handed it through the window to my boss, who set it free.

The following week, another little bunny appeared in my window.


This time, before I could get into the window well, the bunny (which was even smaller and faster than the last one) found a hiding spot:


While the bunny was close enough to the surface that I could actually pet him, I couldn't get him out of there. So instead, I left grass and water in the well, hoping to get him next time he came out of hiding. For two days, we played games with me trying to snag him and him being too fast for me. On the third day, I mentioned him to my boss' personal assistant. She threw open the window, reached into his hidey-hole, roughly yanked him out by his tiny foot, carried him upstairs, and set him free.

I never knew bunnies could scream.

I learned my lesson that day: don't tell anyone about the falling animals in need, or they'll do the rescuing themselves. Dammit, they're MY falling animals in need...I should get to do the rescuing. I put in the time and effort to keep the little guy safe and my moment of rescue was ripped away from me...almost literally.

Shortly after, I got my chance with another bunny. This time, a very curious bunny:



Luckily, this one was kind of a fatty, so he couldn't hide in the same corner. I was able to climb out and rescue him, without anyone bogarting my moment. Hooray!

"But was it just bunnies and retarded mice?" you may be asking. No, there was also the bird who was apparently stunned and just chilling on the driveway, waiting for the end:


There was also a tightrope-walking spider, who pointedly did not need rescuing of any kind:


I tell you, folks, I racked up some serious karma points this summer.

Disclaimer: before anyone says, "Egads! Now that you've touched the bunny/bird, his mother will reject him! Killer!", know that that is not true. In fact, if you see a baby bird on the ground, chances are its mom was actually the pusher. If a baby bird is sick or just ugly (oh, I'm kidding...relax), the mother will choose to off it herself. If you put the bird back in the nest, the mother will again push it out. Not because it has human stink all over it, but because it's still sickly (or made even uglier by the inital fall).

In other cases, the bird may actually be of age to leave the nest and is practicing its flying (albeit quite badly). Either way, touching it won't ruin its life, though it could ruin yours if it has some kind of wild animal disease.

However, experts suggest leaving them alone anyways (unless they fall into your window well, I say). You could unintentionally tame them, hurt them, displace them from their homes, or any of the many things we humans do while trying to make the world a better place for cute little critters. So yeah, leave the handling to the experts.

Or me.

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