May 10, 2011

There's No Place Like Kansas. Except More Kansas.

Weeks ago, Kortney and I made our trek to Kansas to visit her daughter, Zoe. The trip had been planned for miserable head-cold, however, was a new development. The drive itself was uneventful, aside from sudden moments of what felt like my eardrums exploding due to the elevation changes.

By the time we arrived around 1:00 a.m., I was certain I was about to die. Now, keep in mind, I'm the strong, stoic type when it comes to being sick. Now, I know I'm only two paragraphs in and I've complained about being sick four times. But that is only so I can present a case for how truly sick I was...and therefore, why I look like hell in:




Zoe, on the other hand, was looking more beautiful than ever.

We arrived in Kansas and promptly went to bed. And woke up at 6:00 a.m. Now, this trip occurred right after the daylight savings time change. And Kansas is in a different time zone from Denver. So when I say 6:00 a.m., I mean it was actually 5:00 in Denver time. And 4:00, if the time change hadn't just happened. Insane. I hate time zones and time changes. I feel like they are all ganging up on me.

However, don't go anywhere. I promise that's the last rant about the otherwise-fun trip. No, seriously, come back. I'm sorry.

After a breakfast at the diner where Zoe works, we picked up her friend Heather, and drove to Hays. Hays is considered the "city", where everyone goes when they need to actually buy clothes or shoes or anything they can't get at a grocery store. Like last time, our first stop was The Mall. Where people, lots of people, watch television. At the mall.

Next stop was the magical thrift store, at which Kortney and I have found amazing things over the years. Like matching, embroidered jackets. We put the jackets on and morphed into Sig and Rosa: feisty older women who have probably killed a man, but will never tell a soul how or why:

Then it was time for lunch. We went to Gella's Diner, home of Lb Brewery.

If you want to read more about the specific beers we tasted, go and read Kort's review at Colorado Women's Beer Club.

I know I'm breezing through this post, making it seem like the trip to Hays was about twenty minutes long. But believe me, it was more like when the Jews wandered through the desert for forty years. Except with beer and a camera.

After lunch, we found a neat antique store with a full room of old military gear. Hooray!

What you can't see in this picture is that I was actually walking from room to room, wearing this expensive helmet and pretending to talk into a headset. And what you also don't see (and what I didn't see) were the video cameras following this whole scene.

We left the antique store (no, not in handcuffs) and...

Had an impromptu photo shoot! Yay!

Raise your hand if you saw that coming. It's okay, I'm raising my hand too.

The girls were extremely fun models, proving that--despite what you may have heard--teenage girls are not made up entirely of drama, tears, and hormones. Here are some of the outtakes which didn't make it to Etsy, but are too fabulous to just ignore.

If you want to see the awesome photos that did make it to Etsy, look here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.

A big thanks, by the way, to Zoe and Heather for being so awesome and willing to humor a dying old woman's last wishes for product photography.

So, after the photos were finished and after we searched high and low for the one coffee shop in all of Hays, we trooped back to the small town where the girls live. We dropped them off and said goodbyes:

Finally, Kortney and I dragged ourselves back to the motel and crashed for the night, over a dinner of chips, beer, and grapes.

Bright and early on the third day of our adventure, we got up, ate a breakfast served by Zoe the Waitress, then drove back home.


misskortney said...

You were such a trooper on this trip! And no wild animals were harmed in the journey.

Kelli said...

Thanks, dude. I feel like there was an animal harmed on the trip, but I can't remember what...

Whoa! I just remembered we had a dog in the back of the car. Maybe that's what I'm thinking of.