August 26, 2010

This is the End, My Mormon Friend. The End.

Dear Sister Petersen,

This letter is to notify you that, in accordance with your request, your name has been removed from the membership records of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Should you desire to become a member of the Church in the future, the local bishop or branch president in your area will be happy to help you.

Gregory W. Dodge
Manager, Member and Statistical Records

What? That's it? What about this long, drawn-out process I read so much about? What about the home visit? The demand for you to present your case to the church court?

Everything I had read illustrated very specific steps in which the church would make sure you truly wanted to quit. Yet with me, they jumped straight to the conclusion. Part of me wonders if someone contacted them, informing them of my devious plot to blog about the process. Maybe they just knew I was a lost cause, that they wouldn't get me back. Maybe they ran out of banana bread. Or maybe, with the economy, they can't afford the man-hours needed in saving a wayward soul.

Regardless of how the outcome transpired (and my disappointment in not getting a bishop to pose with me for a picture), the end result is that I am no longer a member. I am now officially a heathen in the eyes of God. But really, if there is a God, this should come as no surprise to him/her.

And we all know heathens have more fun.

Note from the Future: I've had several people ask if I could post that picture for them to thoroughly analyze the awesomeness that is Utah circa the early '90s. So, here you go.


Rick said...

Wow! Your original mormon-defection post was the reason that I started reading your blog. So, now that it's been resolved, I can stop. Nah, just kidding. Anyway, congratulations on your heathen-ness. Tonight, I'm going to eat a baby in your honor!

Kelli said...

Maybe I should re-enter the church so I can have a more dramatic second exit?

That link is awesome. I couldn't help but comment. Losing god does work up an appetite.

Brittany said...

I'm not sure what to say to this, but I feel like "Congratulations!" is correct, while maybe inappropriate. hahah yay!

Kelli said...

Thanks, Brittany! My friend is already planning a de-Mormonization party, complete with a magical underwear dress code.