July 20, 2010

Deformity, Deceit, and Dancing: Living with Keene

I'm working on articles about international medical travel insurance today. Pretty awesome, right? Yeah. As such, I am just going to do a mish-mash blog post. Mostly because Keene beats me if I don't have a post for him to read on his lunch break.

But first, a bit of great news. We found a bike for me finally. It's a Hawthorne cruiser, originally sold at Montgomery Ward. We can't find a year for it yet, but we think it was probably made around the '60s. It will need some work, but it is still pretty sweet. Pictures to follow in the next couple of days.

How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?

At my house, just one...plus a song and dance:

...and a pina colada doesn't hurt, either.


I go through Inspire Me phases. This happens when I allow my environment to affect my mood: whether it's the workplace, negative/judgmental people, the house getting dirty or cluttered, too many things to work on, or if I'm just plain feeling unmotivated. When this happens, I turn to certain websites to inspire me.

Kim and Jason - This married couple is fighting against Adultitis. I like this sight for their silliness, but also for their excellent relationship and family advice.

Unclutterer - A good site if you want to learn to organize your shiznit better.

Man vs. Debt - Another practical website about de-cluttering, as well as money management, but with a very entertaining twist.

Advanced Riskology - This is about taking risks in order to achieve your goals.

Did I ever blog about this neato-burrito scarf I made a couple years ago? Ah, well, here it is. It's a scarf. That I crocheted. It has a funky pattern which creates a mostly-black side and a mostly-white flip-side.

Ooh! Ahh! Moving along...

Last Thanksgiving, we took a trip to Wyoming. While there, we hiked the Intermittent Spring in Afton. Along the path, I made everybody stop for a photo. We were in a beautiful setting. We all looked damn cute, the perfect image of a modern family. We were having a great day. It would make a fantastic picture to hang above the fireplace. We could even send it out with Christmas cards. Christmas cards, folks. I know I don't send them, but I could one day.

But later, I realized Keene had been wearing his sunglasses.

Let me tell you: men just do not get it sometimes. While Kayden looked as though someone had just kicked him in the knee, at least he wasn't wearing sunglasses. Rather than admit defeat, I decided to do something about this.


I found another photo of Keene smiling and not wearing sunglasses. I removed the eyes from that picture and fashioned them onto the new one.

I played with the settings, adjusted the controls. But no matter what I did, he still looked like the love-child of Rocky from "Mask" and Jeffrey Dahmer. I was tempted to send out Christmas cards with this image, as a way to get my revenge on Keene.

In the end, I decided to tweak it a bit more...and finally, it was perfect:


You may have noticed in the first picture that Keene has shaved his head. During one of my Inspire Me phases, I decided I wanted to start waking up early. Like 5am early. In order to pump myself up to do this, I decided my incentive for getting up would be a walk to Starbucks. Hurray!

The next morning, Kayden and I woke up, got dressed, and skipped out the door. An hour later, we returned to find a scary bald man in the kitchen. He looked at me expectantly, like a proud child who had carefully written "I love you, mom" on the wall with his poop and was eager for her to see his good work.

Immediately, I threw hot coffee in his face and kicked him in the junk. (That's a metaphor for the look that shot out of my eyes at him in the moment I registered what he had done.) He had waited until we were out of the house, then clipped all of his hair off.

And that, my friends, is why I will not wake up before 6:45am. I always knew nothing good ever happened before that time, anyways.

Note from the Future: Keene wants me to clarify that he doesn't actually beat me.

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