May 27, 2010

Tips for Better Writing...You're Welcome.

I'm a beaucoup fancy writer, you know. I think it is my job—nee my reason for being on this planet—to teach others how to write better, to write…like me. Here are some tips on how to write more like me.

1. Get in the right mindset. To do this, I like to pluck my eyebrows or another equally challenging task. I find that by exerting a vast amount of energy right away, I can release all other thoughts from my head. In fact, I plucked them so hard today, I actually broke the tweezers. That's how pumped I get about writing.

2. Establish a calm environment. The best way I have found to relax my atmosphere is to watch a movie, like Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I sit on the couch, dim the lights, and let the calming influence of Ferris' school-skipping antics wash over me.

3. Don't write with an empty stomach. After watching a movie, I like to nosh on some grindage. Maybe Doritos or leftover casserole. I may even have some dessert. If there aren’t any sweets around the house, I’ll whip some up, because a growling stomach can interrupt your work.

4. Now it's time to let that creative spirit flow. I like to open my iTunes, sort through the music, maybe scroll down the list of songs and rate them accordingly. And if I don't find the right mood-setting mix of music to listen to, I go to the iTunes store and download some more. I find that YouTube is also a good source for finding new music. Many times, I will head over there and watch videos for a while.

5. Another way to create inspiration for your piece is to read the work of others. For me, I like to flip through an issue of Rolling Stone, either after YouTube or maybe even at the same time. A true writer can multi-task, you know. If I don't have a magazine handy, I will harness that creativity by reading random blogs. Many times, I find myself so interested in one blog, I read it in its entirety, starting at the beginning.

6. Then, if I'm not yet ready to unleash my creativity, I may watch another movie. Because it's all about centering your thoughts, focusing on the task at hand.

7. A writer needs all the support she can get, so that is why I may take some time to instant message with a friend for a while.

8. Let your mind wander. That is when the inspiration can really seep in. By taking the time to listen to Corey Hart's "Sunglasses at Night" several times in order to make up words for the chorus—by the way, I decided he is singing "don't flush the blood or MacGuyver's shades, oh no!"—I am allowing my mind to fully open itself to the possibilities which may enter.

9. A good writer must stay in the loop. That is why I like to check my email a few times throughout the hour. Sometimes I even send some emails, read older messages, or clean out my inbox. Because a good writer must also stay organized.

10. Get some rest. At this point, you may be feeling exhausted from your long day. Writing is hard work! Even if you didn't get around to actually writing today, you spent a lot of time honing your imagination and communicating with your muse. So, get some rest and start all over tomorrow.

Notes from the Future: apparently, this post has become a haven for spam. Every time I receive a notification that there is a spam in the comment section, it has been here. If I were an insecure person, I would think that it meant this post is crap.

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