May 25, 2010

Chewy Chunks of Bite-Sized Tidbits

Unfortunately, I'm too busy dying of tuberculosis to create a full blog post. Instead, here are about eight blog posts, mashed into one extrabloganza!

This is my go-to funny face. I never understood why it always made children cry until I saw this picture. Great googly-moogly! It's like my face is melting into a pile of clownish goo!


On Saturday night, Keene and I went to see a hypnotist show at University of Denver, organized by my friend, Dan. Because it was also a food drive, we got in for three cans of tuna and one can of beans. Can't beat that price. The hypnotist, Brian Randolph, was hilarious and rowdy. Being the attention-whore he is, Keene (in the white shirt) offered to be hypnotized.

And Mr. Randolph prompty got Keene drunk. On tap water.

To speed the entertainment along, the hypnotist suggested, "You've had like eight shots...and a pound of heroin."

Apparently, Keene cannot hold his heroin.

Later, Mr. Randolph suggested to Keene that he was missing, well, his penis. Yup, it was gone!

And like a typical guy who finds he is missing something, who does he ask to help him find it?

His girlfriend.


Maia gets in touch with nature:

(It's a mushroom, people. Don't be so crude.)

When I was nineteen and even more unrefined than now, I went to a job interview. It was for an office position, maybe file clerk or receptionist. The interview was going well, though I was massively tired from working a night job.

The lady interviewing me asked her next question, "What would you consider to be a weakness of yours?"

I thought for a moment and, in a flash of brilliance, I answered, "I tend to start workplace revolutions." When the confused woman didn't answer, I helpfully followed up with, "I don't think employers like that."

I didn't get the job.

This is an old homework assignment from back in the day (school day, that is). I'm bringing it up now because I just found the photo that I had created on Photoshop to accompany the piece.

Plus, it's kind of blasphemous and the Internet really goes for that kind of thing.

God Smites AAP, Becomes Leading Authority on Childcare

I found this short clip on Planet Dan, which is one of the funniest blogs on the Internet. It's true. I did the research and everything.

Mean Monkey

I've been wondering how to work this into a post, but can't think of anything.

Actually, that's not true. I had forgotten about this until Keene brought it up the other day. I said, "Oh, I should put that on my blog."

Then I forgot about it again until today.

Way back when Gap polos were in style...

(Were they ever in style? I don't know. I don't think I have actually purchased anything at the Gap, although I have been there a couple times, though. I have stood by the door and waited for friends to do their Gap-shopping. And while standing at the door and looking far too cool to shop there, I'll glance around, see a t-shirt I kind of like, look at the tag, and jump back in a state of shock, while gasping, "Fifteen dollars for a shirt?!")

...Kortney asked me to Photoshop Gap polos onto a picture of prarie dogs.

And that's it. That's all the build-up I have for this:


But while I'm at it, here's another Photoshop project:

Look at all that makeup. Dodo is a hussy.

Notes from the Future: Keene says he wasn't really hypnotized. Hmm...


Joshua said...

I'm going to buy a monkey just like that one for the house. He'll harass the cats for us; we can just sit back and watch the fun!

misskortney said...

I was just searching all reaches of the interwebs for my polo-prairie dogs! I still giggle uncontrollably when just thinking of the picture...

Kelli said...

Keene, we already have two monkeys like that who harass the cats...