May 21, 2010

Are You Ready for Marriage?

(Reposted from Ask Dan and Jennifer)

Marriage is about taking a relationship to the next—and final—step. From here on, you will need to take another person into consideration with every major decision (and many minor ones, too). If you want to move, leave your job, go back to school, buy a couch, take a vacation…on all of these things, you will need to consult and compromise. It is not just about committing yourself to another person and declaring your ever-lasting love. Rather, it is also about creating a life together—one which absorb your current way of living and thinking. So, are you ready for it?

Are You Okay With Supporting Her If Something Happened?
Right now, you only need to worry about yourself. However, after getting married, what if she lost her job? Are you willing to financially support her, take care of her until she is back on her feet? You cannot be greedy with your money when another person is depending on you. More important than money, though, what if she were in an accident and could no longer feed herself or use the bathroom alone? Are you up for the possibility of really having to tend for another person in the event of a life-changing event?

Do You Agree About Major Topics?
Some things simply cannot be negotiated. You may want kids, but she does not. How do you compromise on such a huge issue? Simply put, you don’t. While minor stuff, like who does what chore, can be discussed and argued. But make sure you are on the same track about such issues as children, finances, religion, or sex.

Do You Communicate And Solve Problems Well?
Again and again, good communication is slated as the way to make a marriage last. Do you feel like you can talk about anything together, like you can handle anything when you work together? You must be willing to confide in this person, to share what is bothering you. Otherwise, the drift between you will grow with each year that passes and more words go unspoken.

Does She Know All Of Your Secrets?
It can be hard to take that step in revealing all the embarrassing things they may do when alone or dastardly events in your past about which few people may know. Even simple admissions like how much debt you owe. Are you comfortable sharing this information with her? Is there anything she isn’t comfortable telling you, in return?

Do You Think It Will Last?
This may seem like a no-brainer, but surprisingly, I have heard many people say something along these lines: “everyone needs a starter marriage,” usually followed by a shrug. If you don’t plan to have this relationship last forever, why bother at all? Put that time and energy towards finding the one with whom you do see yourself growing old.

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