November 10, 2009

Annoyed at the Living. Annoyed at the Death.

The aftermath of Tori's death has made me frustrated. I hate when people come out of the woodwork to grieve over someone they were barely even close to...as if they're trying to put the spotlight back on themselves.

I keep getting calls and texts from old friends. People I haven't talked to in over 10 years. Okay, I get that you are calling to send condolences and reconnect over what happened. But leave me alone! Find your gossip somewhere else!

Tori was with me when I first met Scott, so she became friends with him and his friends as a result. Now, all of his old friends (who he hasn't even talked to in years) are suddenly acting so dramatic about this. I have gotten texts, asking me to send pictures of her, asking me for details on what happened.

And most recently, memorial posts have begun popping up on Facebook. This isn't about them getting closure...it's about trying to glean sympathy. One in particular gave very graphic, personal details of her death. Thanks for sharing her business all over the internet, you ass-face!

I'm feeling a weird combination of annoyance at the drama and really defensive over her and her memory. I hate people who exploit a death to make it about him/herself.

I don't know. It's all very weird. I just hate all of this.
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I shouldn't have, but I posted this on the oversharer's Facebook page:

"Are you sure her family would want you sharing all these details on the Internet? It seems like an awfully private thing..."

She responded with:

My face book is totally private other than what friends i've chosen can see.

Yes, just 430 of your closest friends.

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I just pwned her on Facebook.

I know I shouldn't have said anything more, but I just couldn't let it go. I waited until I was calm and read it through a couple times:

There is a difference between sharing the necessary information with loved ones and just plain gossiping with 400 of your Facebook friends. Frankly, having just lost my friend of 15 years, I'm pretty upset to find that her death is being reduced to morbid gossip. Especially considering what a private person Tori was.

Had you just made an announcement that she died, it would be very different. But sharing the details like this? Why do all your friends (including many people who didn't even know her) need to know how she died or what her condition was in the end? Do you think she would have wanted to be remembered like that?

Moreover, assume that there are actually friends of Tori on here. Is this how you want to let them know of her death? Have them just stumble upon this announcement, squished in between pop culture quizzes and profile bling? Why not just pick up the phone and call them?

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