July 29, 2009

I'm having some emotional trouble

Usually I'm pretty good about sorting out what I feel and why I feel it. But lately, I'm just overly emotional without reason. So I'm going to vent to see if I can sort this out.

So, Keene and I moved into our place a couple weeks ago...just the two of us. It was great and fantastic. We only had the bare necessities, until that weekend when we could start moving.

Then we moved his stuff in. I had my first pangs of regret after we bickered a bit about how much stuff he has that he either plans to use in the future or plans to sell. This wasn't stuff he uses every day or even every month. However, he has been pretty good about getting rid of stuff. He even said he "looked up" to me and to my sense of organization.

That being said, I get extremely agitated when I open a closet door and his tools are completely taking it up. Or when I go out to the patio and have to jump over bikes and biking equipment. Or that his clothes are everywhere EXCEPT hung up in the closet.

Okay, so then Maia came home. It was totally fine at first and she's already shown a lot of improvement in her behavior. However, upon picking her up from school and hearing nonstop chatter for the next two hours...well, I get irritated. Occasionally I need...um, silence? Or maybe I'd like to come home and talk with Keene a bit. Moreover, she IS LOUD. I was woken up this morning at 5 a.m. by her laughing and shouting (she was playing with Kayden). I finally shook Keene and said with irritation, "Can't you hear her?!" He got up and quieted her down for a minute, but then I was woken up right after by, "DADDY! DAAAAAAAADDY?! Where are yoooooou?" I finally got up and was grumpy all morning.

So, every day, I look forward to going home and seeing Keene. But almost the instant I get home, my mood sours. Sometimes I feel trapped or claustrophobic and want to be alone, but can't. Well, I mean, I *could*...but I feel like I should be there to help unpack.

After maybe an hour, my mood lifts a bit and I'm able to help cook dinner, chat, help the kids with their rooms. But it seems like the smallest thing makes me grumpy. And I hate that.

Keene, like I said yesterday, is really taking this in stride and trying hard to please me, I can tell. I want to get over this attitude or whatever. But even still, I don't know how or why I'm suddenly acting this way. I think this move will be a great thing. The kids love having someone around to play with. I love seeing Keene every day and still miss him when I'm at work. The apartment is great (except when I see yet another spider). Bah! It's almost like post-partum depression, you know? Where everything is great, but something is just really messing with your emotions?

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