March 20, 2009

The Talk.

To: Joshua Keene
From: Kelli Petersen

I'm feeling really frustrated and want to discuss this. But since it will be a while before we actually hang out, I'm just going to email you (not to mention I can choose my words more carefully this way). I'm feeling super frustrated with our relationship right now. Not you, by any means. But the actual relationship. Let's see if I can express this right.

The biggest problem to me is that we don't really even see each other much. It's like a routine: we see each other for a few minutes before your band practice and maybe a couple hours after, and then on weekend nights. Now, I know that since we both have kids, that is a big reason why we do not see each other more. And the fact that we live across town from each other certainly doesn't help. But we don't even hang out on the weekends (with or without kids). I mean, you would probably be okay with me hanging out at your place all weekend, but then I don't get my errands done. And I'm sure it would be the same, if you were at my place. But it just struck me today that neither of us seem to even try to hang out on the weekends. We just separate, do our own thing, then maybe hang out after Maia goes to bed that night. On the weeknights, we have our own stuff going on, but even if we're both free, we still don't hang out. I don't really have a solution, though...which is even more frustrating.

Also, remember when we first started dating and I was still SO shy to be around you? You had said that the more we hung out, I would feel less shy. And that's true. However, I feel like, because we don't really see each other much (and only talk late at night between doing chores and other stuff individually), there is still this distance between us. At least, to me. I have a hard time confiding to you, especially when it's over IM and you're programming your computer at the same time or at 11 p.m. when we have to get up the next morning. This especially sucks if I'm having a lousy day (and I'm sure you can understand this) and wish you could be there for me, but you can't. It's like I have a boyfriend for all the superficial reasons. But I don't feel like we have any kind of life together, you know? You have your thing going on, I have mine...and every once in a while, they converge for a little bit. Then again, it's probably too soon to even have any kind of life together. I don't know. This whole dating with kids, post-divorce thing is really weird and new to me.

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