August 25, 2008

You want to hear about my date-ish occasion?

The guy was so laughably douche-y it was unbelievable.

Here's the deal: this is a guy I met on Plenty of Fish. We had chatted a bit online, texted a bity by phone, and finally decided to meet on Saturday night. He's fresh from Vegas and is into beer, heavy metal, and fairly well-spoken. Plus, he looked pretty cute in his photos.

So, I met Douchey-Yuppie (Adam, for short) at the train station and walked over to Falling Rock with him, to meet up with Kort and Sean. Along the way, we chatted a bit and he seemed nice enough. But over the course of the night, his inner douche-yuppie side came out. Here are some tidbits:

- Talked about his $2,200 pool cues, talked about his red BMW, talked about the super expensive cabinets in his aunt and uncle's 3,200 sf house, talked about how his uncle makes about $200K a year, talked about how his dad makes over $100K a year but lives in a crummy apartment because he's a minimalist, talked about how he is used to spending hundreds of dollars on a bottle of wine at a club and how that's the only way to get a chick to pay attention to you, talked about his super expensive pool table...and so on. (To have this guy bragging about money to impress me was just hilarious.)

- Told a story about how he almost hit a black guy with his "bright red BMW" and his friend shouted out the window, "Get out of the fucking road, Kunta Kinte!" Adam was worried he would have to fight the black guy because of his friend...but he didn't seem to be bothered by the fact that his friend was being a racist douche in the first place.

- While I was (hurriedly) walking him back to the train station, we passed a middle-eastern man wearing a turban and holding his young daughter's hand while crossing the street. Adam looked back and then talked about how he checked out the guy to see if he had anything strapped to him and how he might blow something up and how you can never be too cautious. I told him that was a huge generalization that is completely untrue and that all I saw was a dad crossing the street with his daughter.

- He actually BITCHED about how conscientious Denver is about drunk-driving. He said, "In Vegas, EVERYONE drives drunk...that's just how it is. Here, you have to find a designated driver and all this shit."

- He acted worried about going into the "rough part of town." Um, we were in Lodo, which is where I work and where A LOT of young people hang out at night (where all the bars and clubs are). I had to explain that the buildings were historic, which is why it doesn't look as well-kept and new.

- He also bitched about not only having to smoke outside, bitched about the service at Falling Rock, bitched about pretty much everything.

- Talked about himself ALLLLLLLLLL night. The only question I can recall him asking about me was "Do you have any more tattoos?"

- Talked about how much he hated--yes, HATED--kids and how they are all ugly and all they do is shit and whine and bawl and eat. Um, keep in mind that my profile--if he cared to read it--says that I DO have a kid.

It was pretty hilarious. I was rolling my eyes throughout much of the night and finally got rid of him around 9:30 or 10:00. He gave me a big hug and texted me the next day to tell me he had a great time. I won't be replying.

Internet dating: 0 for 3

(The other 2 were from earlier in the year: one was the douche-y fireman who called me a whore or something ("but I don't mean it in a bad way") and didn't understand why I wouldn't see him after that. The other was the guy who seemed pretty cool all night, I even made out with him, but then he wouldn't shut up about everything that was bad about himself and wrong with his life...wah wah wah. I think once I hit five or ten bad internet date-ish occasions, I will call it quits.)

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