May 20, 2008

I hesitated to post this all day

Now I will be the first to attribute my attitude to PMS. But I'm seriously getting pissed with _______. Last week, I was worried that nothing would change and he would want to be just "monogamous fuckbuddies".

Then I spent a little time with him over the weekend, felt better...

Yeah, no. I'm pretty annoyed. He knew Sunday and Monday were my only free nights this week. He mentioned in passing that he would try to free up his schedule in order to hang out at least one of the days. He asked me to call him on Sunday when I was free. Sunday rolled around. I called him twice over the course of the night. Got voicemail both times, so I left it alone. Same thing Monday.

Maybe I shouldn't be annoyed. I don't expect him to spend all of his free time with me. But, oh I don't know, maybe he could meet up with me when I'm available instead of me having to wait until he gets off work in the middle of the night, just to see him for about three hours. Or else me having to go to the bar and spend money to see him. Yeah, that's about all I'll get.

I'm sick of it. Maybe this is one of those "relationship games" I've heard about, but I just don't even feel like seeing or talking to him at all right now. When we had our "talk," he mentioned that he thinks our different schedules will be the biggest problem. I agree, but I also think that he's not even trying to see me. If he wanted to see me, he would make time as well.

Not only am I feeling really stupid because I'm so hooked on an emotionally-distant guy WHILE I'm in the middle of a divorce, but also because I'm handling it like a typical dumb girl. I'm relationship-challenged and it just creates too much stress.

So, the moral of this bitchy rant is 1) I'm still in doubt as to whether he truly cares for me, 2) I don't think he really wants a relationship and this is pretty much just a sex thing, 3) this whole thing is just a stupid mind-fuck, and 4) even if I like him as a person a whole bunch, I could no doubt find someone who is more "into" me and would WANT to spend some of their free time with me.

And that's that. I'm taking a break from the bar...partly for financial reasons and partly because of him. I don't even want to go out because I meet all these hot, interesting, nice guys who are really into me...and all it does is make me really frustrated. Well, and because I really am broke and need to start acting the part. I've fucked around with my finances long enough.

No comments: