May 19, 2008

Cynicism

All last week, I had been really kind of anxious and a little annoyed about the ______ thing. I couldn't help but think that he was just messing with me, only wanted a "monogamous fuckbuddy" thing instead of an actual relationship, that nothing would change, etc.

However, after the weekend, I feel a lot better about everything. Not 100%, of course...I am a bitter, divorcing woman, after all. But I feel better.

We chatted a lot while I was there, had some fun. When I was out with Kort, I sent him a text message to let him know I cancelled the UT trip. He. Actually. Responded. This is damn near unheard of. He never texts. But he did. Moreover, we hung out twice in one day.

I had asked him about his weekend plans and he was, of course, super-busy the entire weekend (he has an even more active social life than me) and all the things he was doing Monday night. Then he asked when I was free. I said I *might* be free Monday night. He replied, "Turns out, I might be free then too."

All this being said, however, I'm still very wary of the situation...not quite trusting or willing to get too wrapped up in this. I've never been a bitter or cynical person...but I sure as hell am one now. Over dinner one night, I told Kort, "There are two kinds of guys in the world: the ones you'll hurt and the ones that'll hurt you. I think ______ will just hurt me." She said that was the most cynical thing she'd ever heard.

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