February 29, 2008

Feeling so conflicted.

**Background for anyone who is just joining us: ________ is a dude I met over a month ago. We have a blast when we're together and he's incredibly sweet and caring. But when we're apart, he usually never responds to my texts, can't be found when I have a night off. The last couple weeks, we've only seen each other late at night on Saturday. I'll sleep over and leave kind of early since I always have to pick up Kayden on Sunday morning.**

So, the reason I'm conflicted: on one hand, I'm really annoyed with him. What I want to say is, "I know this whole thing is just for fun and not in pursuit of a relationship. However, I'm not okay with being ignored the rest of the time. And since I don't think you can handle any more commitment than that, let's just scrap this whole thing altogether."

On the other hand, I like him so much. I want to see him still. I don't want to scrap it, but the whole thing really bothers me. I feel like if I give in and just see him when he calls--when it's convenient for HIM, that is--then I'm giving up some of my dignity.

And I realized what bothered me so much on Wednesday morning. The whole time Kort and I were at the bar the night before, he never came by our table, never came around the bar to talk to me, never put his arm around me, never said goodbye or anything. He seemed SO different from the last time we went while he was working (the previous week). That's what bothered me. In a way, I felt like I was somehow intruding on his territory that night, like he didn't want me there. But I don't know why he would be that way. We parted ways pleasantly on Sunday...

Ugh. I'm kind of sick of men right now. I hate how they all have these issues and drama and baggage and can't just come right out and say what's up.

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