February 6, 2008

Another day, another email from Josh.

"I apologize for my emotional roller coaster lately.
There's are a couple of things I said yesterday that I need to retract or amend.

The first is this offer to help with anything. Nix it.
I know you have a lot going on and it's very stressful and I wish you the best, but it's not my problem. If there are any specific tasks I can do to help with selling the house or helping the divorce process go smoothly, I'll do them. Other than that, sorry. I didn't expect you to take me up on the offer, but I still feel it's necessary to correct this.

As for me seeing Kayden, I still want to have regular contact with him. I will schedule visits with him in advance. I will not be a babysitter like I offered to be a couple of times yesterday. Our schedules will need to have both a starting time and an ending time.

(He was in the house when Scott called to cancel on taking Kayden tonight. After I hung up, he offered to watch Kayden instead, if I had plans. I said I did, but that I would cancel them...no problem. That's kind of why I'm irked at this. I had no intentions of asking him to babysit ever. He asks if he can take Kayden on certain days and I let him. I don't and have never asked him to babysit.)

I'm sorry your appointment ran over last night, but I shouldn't be expected to adjust my schedule. I shouldn't have offered to watch him tonight when Scott changed his schedule with you either.

As for this weekend, I'm willing to meet with Scott to trade Kayden off, but there are certain conditions. I will drive no further than the house. No Park Meadows, no Parker, definitely no Castle Rock. Also, any coordination between Scott and me is your responsibility.

I apologize if my tone is jerky, but I need to make this stuff explicit, more for my benefit than for yours. In the future, I'll do my best not to bother you with the latest change in my emotional state.

There's a lot more I want to say and a few questions I want to ask, but I'm going to keep them to myself. I don't think any good will come from it."

::sigh:: I can understand where he's coming from and he makes good points. But 1) he implies that I'm taking advantage of him or trying to...and that's just bullshit, 2) I'm sick of this stupid roller coaster: he wants to be friends, he doesn't want to be...he wants to be in Kayden's life, he doesn't want to be.

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