January 6, 2008

Oh, what a day.

I called and talked to Kayden's dad about the separation. I explained that the reason I was telling him is because I will start relying on him more in the future than I have been. I asked him to talk to his work about getting on a fixed schedule (instead of "well, I *may* work this weekend, but I might not"). He was totally cool with it, even said that it was a good idea. I had been meaning to do this for awhile, because I think the lack of structure is too hard on Kayden (and, who am I kidding, me too).

Bad news: the before-school-care I had been planning on enrolling Kayden in is full. Now I'm having trouble finding a daycare that transports to his school in the mornings. While Josh is still in the house, this isn't a problem, but I want this taken care of asap. There's no way I can take him to school because of where and when I work. I'm going to call to all the daycares in the area, but it might turn into paying some neighbor to watch him and walk him to school.

Night #2 of being home with my husband who is not supposed to be there.
I've become very moody at home as a result. We don't talk (which isn't all that unusual for us), except when he puts on a super-concerned face and says, "Are you okay?" He had been sleeping on the couch, but he slept in the bed last night...which didn't bother me until he tried to spoon me this morning. Made me so fucking uncomfortable.
This is not going how I had planned. I feel like I just dreamt that whole separation conversation and now I'm just acting like a bitch for no reason. I keep tearing up at work today. I just want him out of there. I really get the feeling that he isn't taking me serious, that he thinks I was just having a bad day or something. That if he just treads lightly and acts super-sweet, that everything will go back to normal.

The realtor is coming over tonight. I think regardless of how it goes or whether he thinks we can sell, I'm going apartment shopping on Saturday. I can't handle staying in this situation until we sell the house. I absolutely hate this feeling of being trapped in a house. If I can even just find temporary housing in my area until then, that would be just fine.

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