January 21, 2008

Breakdown, the weekend

Friday night: for the life of me, I can't remember this even though I know I wasn't drinking or anything. I had Kayden, so we probably played or watched a movie or something.

Saturday: I had a breakdown, pretty much. I called Kayden's grandparents in the morning and asked if they could watch him that afternoon while I do some more moving. On the drive over, I just started bawling (silently, so as not to worry Kayden). I couldn't stop crying. When I dropped him off, his sweet grandmother (I'm really close to Scott's parents), pulled me inside and talked with me. She told me I don't always have to be strong for everybody and I have a lot of people around to help me when I need it. She also said that I probably have a low tolerance for Josh right now, because of having to deal with my mom (also someone who never got help for her disease). I hadn't even thought of that. I felt much better after talking to her.

I was still pretty upset, feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. After Kort made me realize that it wasn't selfish to want a break from my kid, I asked his g-parents to take him overnight. I still feel guilty, even though I think I had valid reasons. Ugh, I feel like my mind is in a billion places at once, I'm exhausted both mentally and physically (and emotionally), I've been doing all this packing on my own...but I still feel like I shouldn't need time to myself. Okay, now I'm just rambling. Suffice to say, even though I felt guilty, I still asked them to watch him overnight, and I felt loads better in the morning.

Sunday: After I picked up Kayden, we went home and I finished up a crocheted custom order I had been running late on and did some more packing. Kayden and I went to see the VeggieTales movie, then did some grocery shopping. We came home and he played while I did more packing/cleaning. Once again, I felt guilty for not playing with him, but this packing has to be done.

After I put him in bed, I called and talked to my grandma for an hour, then did...you guessed it! More packing and cleaning.

So, I guess it was okay weekend...just pretty emotional and draining.

Kayden-ism of the weekend: he was talking about a fellow Scout who had made his derby car into a working Transformer. Kayden said, "Did you know Spencer won the Most Creative Car award? And he deserved it, because his car was a thing of art." ::snort::

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