October 12, 2007

A review of my exorcism and other fun facts.

I was feeling pretty lousy at work yesterday and I finally decided to leave around 2:30. I went straight to take my Latin midterms. I was kind of worried because, while I'm doing just fine with the vocabulary, I don't have all the conjugations and declensions memorized. Well, I went into the room where about 8 other students were taking the same exam. I sat down and whipped through the exam in about 20 minutes. I finished before everyone else. By far. After I turned the exam in, the teacher stepped outside to go over the test with me. I got an A. And in the time it took to go over the test, only one other person had finished theirs.

So I went home and tried to relax for a couple hours, which didn't work. I was so incredibly worn out and felt lousy. Finally, I got up because Josh and Kayden came home. I fed Kayden and took him to my friend's house with me.

Now, you may remember my post a couple nights ago about how my friend, Tracy, called me. She was worried about the severity of my night terrors. She honestly thinks it is demons causing them. Because she's one of my dearest friends, I humored her and went over to her house. I am so glad I did. Her friend, Mary, was there and I talked to her for awhile. Mary had gone through almost the same thing as me for 30 years. It was so great to finally talk to someone who understood what I'm going through. I've met people who say, "Oh yeah, sure...that happens to me too." (Or worse yet, "Yeah, I have nightmares too." AAAHH! I want to reply, "Yeah, it's like a nightmare except that I'm awake. Now what do you think?") You can tell it's not the same and they don't understand. This time, we talked and talked and I knew she was going through the same thing. It was so great. Moreover, we talked about how when we've tried to tell people about this, their advice is something like, "Just reason/laugh/talk yourself through it." It's so frustrating because they obviously don't understand. As Mary said, it's like if someone broke their ankle and someone else said, "Well just stand on it and it'll feel better."

While talking and listening to Mary, there were so many things that had been happening to me that I never really thought of or thought were connected with the terrors. The feeling that someone is standing right over me, thinking I hear someone walking around at night, hearing noises throughout the house, thinking I see someone standing in my closet...these are all things that I never really told Tracy or even gave much thought to...until Mary described the exact same experiences. Very weird to say the least. We talked about how even when we get a full night's sleep, we're not rested. It was all the same.

We all (Tracy, Mary, and Tracy's husband) had a great talk. We talked about how I've always worried that these terrors could be a sign of mental illness, which runs rampant in my family. We talked about how they could be stress-related. We did approach religion, which was kind of awkward...but no harm done. They know where I stand, I know where they stand. Mary's advice was, while experiencing the terror, to pray in my head and see if that helps. I'm not big on prayer, but anything that might help, I'll try.

So, the whole point of the evening was that Tracy and her husband wanted to pray over me and they did. I was fine with it. I told them it couldn't hurt. They did and after a while, we went home. This morning, I woke up much more easily and felt so much better since yesterday, more awake. Could be a coincidence, but nothing else had changed. Tracy called me first thing to ask how I'd slept. I told her really well. She said she woke up a couple times during the night to pray for me.

Now, I'm not ready to believe that it IS an evil force making me see these things. But I'm not ready to discount it just yet. I've always believed in good and evil spirits...I'm just not sure I believe that they can "attack" you.

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