December 31, 2007

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

I'm going to tell Josh I want a separation tonight.

I've decided that today is the ideal time. Kayden is leaving on a week-long road trip with his dad today. Josh will have tomorrow off, so he won't have to sit and stew at work. I can go and stay with Kort tonight to give us a little space.

(Oh, btw Kort, can I stay with you tonight?)

I'm freaking out. I think he's mad at me anyways at the moment, so that'll help.

Here's where I start asking questions. How do I bring up something like this? I'm thinking of just saying it right out and if he has questions then, I'll answer them, rather than having a long speech prepared.


Also, I feel kind of like a phony for asking for a separation when, as of right now, I don't think we'll ever get back together.

I want to sell our house, but the market is pretty bad right now. I don't know if Josh would move out, so it's likely we'll end up still living together for a couple months at least.

::hyperventilating::


Update:

Kortney gave me one of her anti-anxiety pills and I'm feeling much better about the whole thing. If you can't be brave, take a Klonopin, eh?

A friend will listen to your rantings and ravings.

A best friend will slip you a pill so you'll chill the fuck out.

It's ending, a weekend review.

Saturday night: after we dropped Kayden off with his dad, I took Josh home and went to my tattoo consultation. I scheduled an appointment for March 1st. Then I went to dinner with Kort. I think this is why Josh is mad at me...because I went out instead of going home. Like I always do. If Kayden isn't home, I don't really feel like going home myself. We ended up playing pool, drinking, hanging out with our friend, Zak Attack. It was a somewhat mellow evening for me.

Sunday: Went to the art museum with my friend, Susan. She wanted to see the Louvre exhibit, which turned out to be kind of disappointing. It was mostly chairs and dishes and such. They were pretty and all, but not what I had been expecting. There was a Rembrandt piece, a Titian, and Breugel...but none were particularly great. Maybe I'm just an art snob.

As we drove back to my house, I confessed to Susan about the impending separation. At first she was like, "Oh nooooo...Kelli! Josh is such a great guy, though! Can't you work it out?" After we talked for about an hour and I explained my reasoning, she was totally behind me. She thinks, in these circumstances, it's the best thing for me and Kayden.

I had mentioned that I thought Josh was angry with me. But he's so passive-aggressive, that he'll never actually tell me. Sunday morning, he left to do some work at the office. He saw that I was awake and just waved to me. Yeah. A wave. He didn't come home until around 6-ish. That's fine if he's angry. But talk about it! Don't just pretend everything is fine and then ignore me all night.

December 26, 2007

Road Trip

Kayden's dad is going to take him on a road trip next week (I believe). I finally gave my approval.

And you know what this means?


For the first time since having a kid, I'll be able to go out on New Years Eve!!
How fun!!

December 24, 2007

Snow Day


What do you get when you mix: an afternoon without Josh, two days of boredom, lots of shipping boxes, and a load of packing tape?









Why! An apartment complex for kitties and kiddies!! Yay!


The top two boxes are actually a 2-story condo, with a hole connecting the boxes.

I'm already bored with Christmas.

I'm just feeling really blah about it all this year. I'm still plugging away for Kayden's sake. But I'm just not excited about any of it. Normally if I have a long weekend off of work, I'm stoked and can find plenty of stuff to fill up my days. But so far, I'm just really bored. I have to do the whole Santa thing tonight, but I'm just not that thrilled about it...not like last year. ::sigh::

Enough bitching already.

December 17, 2007

Graduation.

Woot! I graduated and all.

So, I was a nervous wreck on Saturday morning...couldn't eat, had to vomit, etc. Once the ceremony actually started, I felt better. I didn't trip or anything. At one point while waiting for my name to be called, I looked out at the crowd. Holy shit. That was a lot of fucking people. My sleeve got caught on the stair railing onstage, but I took care of it quickly and don't think many people noticed.

Unfortunately, the ceremony was hugely impersonal and rushed. It wasn't alphabetized...we just handed them a card with our name on it and they read it. There were two people reading, one right after the other. So I was maybe on stage for about 5 seconds. Also, the ceremony was so big, they had these big screens set up...but once again, you're only onstage for about 5 seconds and on the camera for even less time. Because of this, my dad and Kayden completely missed seeing me on stage.

I got photos afterward, but once again, it was kind of crazy. Everyone wanted photos with me, but everything was so rushed and crowded that it didn't quite happen that way.

Oh, at one point during the ceremony, I glanced behind me and saw an ex-boyfriend. He was already staring at me and we exchanged a "oh, hey, I've seen you nekkid before" look. I smiled and turned around. Then I looked in my program for his name. He was such a cocky bastard when we were together. So I took great pride in noting that he didn't have "magna cum laude" and "college honors" below his name. ::looks smug::

Anyhow, the party afterward was SO MUCH FUN. I was the center of attention which alternately thrilled me and made me shy. I'm a little confused about whether to be an AW or not, I guess. Tracy and her family threw the party for me. They are so incredibly good to me (and Kayden). At the end, I thanked her husband for throwing such a great party. He replied, "We do that for all of our daughters..." I nearly cried.

Finally, the whole weekend was just awesome. So much fun. So great. And I'm done with school. For now.

Miss Kortney:
My awesome grandparents, who traveled from Wyoming:

And my dad, who traveled from Utah:


December 13, 2007

Popping Rolaids like candy today.

I chose to be irresponsible for a change last night. I *should* have been studying for my Latin finals (which are today). However, Kort is a bad influence and took me for drinks instead to celebrate my upcoming graduation.

Am now dragging ass at work. Luckily, I think it'll be a slow day so I can do some last minute cramming. And my dad and stepmom are flying into town tonight. I hope Hungover Kelli isn't too obvious.

December 11, 2007

Winter in Denver.

I set out for work at 7-ish. Since the roads were so bad, I decided to take the train by my house. It took a goddamn hour just to get to the station which is 2 miles from my house. Upon getting to the station (and nearly wrecking my car), I am told that it's full. I have to turn around. I'm so pissed, I decide to go home for a bit before setting out again.

Kayden is on a delay-start schedule, so I tell Josh he can try his hand at getting to work and I'll take Kayden to school. Since his school is bound to be a mad-house, we walk there instead. (It's about five minutes from our house.) We get there and Kayden's perfectly happy and warm in his new boots, new coat, etc. I, on the other hand, am soaking wet from my knees down. I drop him off and walk back. I get in my car and set out again. By this time, it's about 8:50.

I drive to the next train station down (easier said than done, about 30-45 minutes passed while driving there). I go to purchase my ticket, only to discover I left my money in the car. I run back to the car, get my money, get the ticket. I wait outside in the freezing cold for about 20 minutes. Finally, I get on the train. It's another 20-30 minute ride downtown. After that, I have to walk from the train station to my work, because all of the shuttles are running slow.

I just arrived at my work at 11:00, soaking wet and I can't feel my feet. As I walk in, the Office Manager says, "What took you so long?" And then I screamed and my head exploded and I opted to go to hell because I hear it's so much warmer there.

December 6, 2007

Drawings.

Kayden has this drawing pad that is sticky on the back of the pages, so you can tear a drawing out and stick it to the wall.

Last night, a few hours after putting him to bed, I went to check on him.

This is what I found:


(the huge drawing at the top is old, all the rest is new)

Biding time.

My mind is now set on divorce. I feel very comfortable with the idea and I'm also comfortable with waiting until after the holidays to bring it up.

However, what I hate is that when Josh senses something is wrong, he goes back to acting all sweet and caring like when we were dating. Then I feel guilty for planning for divorce and for acting cold and distant.

I hate that.

December 4, 2007

My Year in Review.

Started with a death and is likely ending with a divorce. I'd say I'm entitled to hate 2007.

And in case that isn't enough, here's a brief summary:

- struggled with scary night hallucinations all year that caused me to be shaken up, terrified, screaming, etc...toss in bouts of insomnia for flavor

- Josh's depression and subsequent withdrawal from us

- Calls and visits with my mom while she's drunk or high, hearing every other month that she has either been in jail, in rehab, raped, in the hospital, or found drunk in the streets of Utah.

- Dealing with asshole grandpa

- Stupid stomach problems that have yet to be solved

- 25th b-day completely ignored by husband, even after I told him it hurt me

- Money problems

- Finding out at the last minute that I actually had to take three more classes before I could graduate

- Pneumonia and bronchitis for a week...inevitably putting me behind in each of my classes

- Being put on probation at work for stupid, silly reasons

I know this all sounds so whiny. And there WERE some very good moments in there. But it just feels good to get it all out.
I really hope 2008 is better.

If you were going to ask for a divorce/separation...

Would you do it immediately or wait until after the holidays?

A realization I've recently had: this will likely not be a difficult divorce at all (I mean, aside from emotionally). There will be no custody battles. We have our own cars, our own debt, our own accounts.

I feel like we were never really husband and wife. We have shared possessions but nothing I would really fight for.

So many people have it a lot harder. Hell, it was much harder for me to leave Kayden's dad, knowing I was heading into poverty.

But I still did it.

I can do this too.

December 3, 2007

Parades and Miners. A Weekend Review.

Friday night: Kort, Kayden, and I met downtown for the Parade of Lights. It was a blast. Kayden is normally a very quiet kid. However, even he started cheering and singing with everybody. We sang Feliz Navidad, yelled that we love the Denver firefighters, cheered for Santa, etc.









Saturday: Kayden went over to his dad's and I was still kind of grumpy with Josh, so Kort and I decided to swing by the spa (where we had gone with friends awhile back). We lounged in the pool for hours. We lounged at Starbucks for a couple hours. We lounged. That's all. It was so relaxing. As it started to get later, we decided to just get a room. <~~~~Not as dirty as it sounds.


Saturday night: we went out to dinner and went to the miners bar to play pool (I swear!). We bogarted the jukebox, playing all kinds of crazy songs that didn't really jive in the cowboy bar. At one point, I played Michael Jackson and, of course, danced like Michael Jackson. At some point, when I was singing (aka, screaming) along with Aerosmith, a guy at the next pool table started laughing, saying I ruined his shot. We all began chatting and invited them onto our table (a huge guy was getting angry that we had the tables but were just chatting). So, we ended up hanging with some really cool people: One was a hot 30-something former cop/English major who was so incredibly funny (calling himself "pretty" all night). The other was a hot Austrailian surfer who was fairly quiet and shy, but a big book nerd. Creepy Joe was their friend who is creepy by night, but pretty decent by day (we ran into him at breakfast the next day). We. Had. So. Much. Fun.



Now the strange part: remember when all the Denver girls went out and we met all those miners? And one miner ended up buying the owl hat to make the Indian wear it in the mines? Well, the guys we met Saturday night all worked with them. They were gold miners who had actually worn the owl hat down in the mines (apparently it was passed around quite a bit). It was so awesome. Creepy Joe even got Alan (one of the guys from our last visit) on the phone to chat with Kort.

Again. So. Much. Fun.

The next day, after coming home too late and sleeping in too late, we got up, went to breakfast, to the spa, the pool, the naked caves, Starbucks, out for lunch, took a nap in Kort's truck, then drove home.

November 30, 2007

Fishy, part 2

Josh lied.

I'm on the phone with our internet provider. They said he hasn't paid in two months and then he went three months prior to that without paying. That's why they shut off our service so soon.

He told me he was late a couple times, but he was only four days late on this month's payment. I don't even know what to say. I am currently paying the bill.

I sent him the email, "I paid the internet bill." (i.e., I know you lied.)

Fishy.

Josh told me our internet had been shut off because he was late on the payment by four days. I replied that four days seemed awfully soon to cut off service. He said he's been late once before. Odd...

I know that our HOA fees (which he pays) are regularly paid late, because the bill shows up in my name.

Sometimes having separate finances is a pain in the ass.

November 27, 2007

Another JC Hat

This time for Molly...


November 19, 2007

Fabulous.

Kayden went to his cousin's b-day party on Saturday. When I picked him up, I asked him how it was.

He replied, "Such a great night...just fabulous."

I cracked up. When he asked what was so funny, I replied that he was definitely my kid.

Perms and Husbands

- I got a perm. I have to say that perms get such bad raps, but I just love them. This morning, I woke up at 6:55 and was out of the house by 7:10. And that included saying my goodbyes and looking around for something to wear. I pretty much pulled my curly hair out of its scrunchy (that I wear to bed) and put it in a clip. No combing, flat-ironing, nothin'. I lurve it.

- Also, when I got the perm, they used a rinse thing to get all previous chemicals out so I'm back to my natural color. I was getting bored with the dark hair anyways.

- While at the mall, I found a winter coat. I'm afraid it makes me look like a big tootsie roll, but it's SO soft and warm. I just love it.

- Josh was annoying again. I saw him for maybe 2 hours on Saturday, due to errands we were each running. And on Sunday, he went to the office for 8 hours. I only saw him at night and not really even then, since we were doing our own thing. At one point, I was working on sanding Kayden's desk (his idea) and asked if he wanted to help me. He said, "Not really," and walked away.

November 16, 2007

Boobage.

I just purchased this graphic novel off of Etsy. It cracks me up. It's about the trials and tribulations of growing up without boobs.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=7910128

November 15, 2007

Football Fever

With the new season, demand for NFL (and college football) book thongs have increased. Here are just a couple:


This will be interesting.

A chick from Craigslist just came by to pay me and pick up some items I'm selling. Once she got here, she was very apologetic and said she only had enough cash for one train. The other four would cost an additional $10. I gave her my address and told her she can mail me a check for the other $10 and sent her packing with all of the trains.

It'll be interesting to see if she actually pays me.

Notes from the Future: Ahem. The lady just stopped in my office again. She said she had found an ATM finally and gave me the rest of the money. There is good left in the world apparently.

Movies...pfft.

A building or house is on fire. The firefighters are rushing around to put it out. Inevitably, there is a woman standing on the streets, crying hysterically. The firefighters say the building is going to collapse and they can't send anyone in right then. The woman screams, "But my child/baby is in there!!" and continues crying.

What is wrong with this picture? Why the hell would she have left the house without getting her child or baby out first? Or was she gone when the fire started and the child was home alone?

November 2, 2007

Work Woes.

I'm very efficient and hard-working...but there just isn't much work for me. I get it all done quickly and have hours of free-time. Because of this, I try to space out my day so I'm not just sitting around all afternoon. In my free time, I do my homework (which I was told by my boss that it was okay). Well, apparently "people" have complained that they feel they can't give me work to do because I'm "too busy doing my homework". I've made sure to not give off this impression. Whenever someone does ask if I'm busy, I say "absolutely not" and help them right away.

Because of all this, though, I'm in trouble. I don't open the mail quickly enough. I'm found doing my homework when a paper tray is empty. And according to my supervisor, she has personally witnessed visitors having to ring the front desk bell right in front of me to get my attention. That is total crap and I told her as much (but tactfully). But she insists that she's personally witnessed it on several occasions. How am I supposed to argue?

Basically, I'm getting really frustrated that none of my MANY contributions to this place get recognized. Instead I get in trouble for stupid little stuff. All of my work gets done quickly and on time. But none of that matters to these people. I'm at a loss.

So, I'm really starting to think I need to get out of here. The problem is, I don't want to go just anywhere to get away. I want to go somewhere that I can grow within the company, somewhere that interests me. Ideally, this would be a place where I could ultimately use my degree (publishing, editing, writing, etc.). However, I'm having difficulties tracking down such a job. And when I have seen openings, it would mean taking a $10K paycut. I just can't afford it. I could get a part-time job...I've done it before. But even so, I don't know if I could take that much of a paycut. Josh makes jack-shit at his job and has proven time and again that he has no plans to leave it, even if it would help me out a lot.

So because of all this, I'm feeling really frustrated, hopeless, and downright bummed out.

November 1, 2007

Elevatorage

Now, before I begin, please know that I am one of the least confrontational people ever.

After work, I walked to the parking garage. I had my headphones on and dashed into an elevator. There was already a couple in the elevator, maybe in their 40s. As I walked in, I said, "Two, please." The woman said they were going down. I didn't understand at first (it usually takes me a moment to process information), so I said "Excuse me?" She got about two inches from my face and, in kind of a mocking way, yelled, "We're going down!" Keep in mind that even though I had my headphones in right then, there wasn't a song playing.

I was pretty shocked so I walked out of the elevator. As I did, I muttered under my breath, "Fucking hell!" What can I say? I was surprised and taken aback. I pushed the button to go up, just as the guy in the elevator said, "What did you just say?" I looked at him and said loudly, "I said 'fucking hell!' The dude stopped the doors from closing and then HE got in my face. He said something like, "You were the one with your stupid headphones on...you don't need to be so rude..." I replied that she didn't need to be rude in the first place, then I hopped onto my elevator.

It was a really strange encounter, to say the least. Probably amusing to the people around us.

October 31, 2007

The Garden Blanket

I got the idea to make a baby blanket that looks like a garden. I used a soft, acrylic yarn interwoven with a "Fun Fur" yarn to give the grassy effect. I just did a simple increasing square pattern throughout, then finished it off with a super-frilly border. To top it off, I sewed on some random flowers. Next up, I might try a "boyish" version of the garden blanket: dirt, bugs, worms, etc.

"Not really family."

MIL is a perfectly nice woman. Whenever I've gone to dinner with her, she buys, engages me in conversation, etc. However, it's very rare that I go to dinner with them. Most of the time either I find out last minute and I already have plans or Josh alludes to it being a "personal family thing". The latter has become more common since Andy's death...I'm not really family so I don't get invited as often. Such as when they buried Andy's ashes. I asked Josh if he wanted me to come. He seemed uncomfortable and said his mom only wanted him, his sister, and his stepdad there. No one else.

Even before Andy's death, she has never seemed particularly interested in getting to know me. I think she only knows what Josh has told her about me. And we've been together for nearly five years now. Moreover, while she gives Kayden birthday and Christmas gifts, she seems to have no inclination to spend time with him. She changed her mind about coming to his b-day party, never goes to his games. This has gotten worse since Josh's sister had a baby, now that she has a "true" grandkid.

It's pretty bad when, to this day, I still feel much closer to Scott's family than to my real in-laws.

Weird comment of the day.

I was talking to a coworker about Halloween. I mentioned that Kayden was going trick-or-treating with his dad today, and possibly later with me. Here's the conversation:

Crazy Coworker: You gonna hit the same houses?
Me No, we live in different cities.
CC: (confused) You're not together?
Me: No! We split up years ago.
CC: But you brought him to the company picnic!
Me: No, I brought my husband to the company picnic.
CC: Ohhhhh...so you've been with more than one man!
Me: (long pause) Yeah, I guess that's safe to say.

Paranoid.

I feel like my job security is very low...but I don't really have any reason to believe that.

I do all that is asked of me and more. I'm the only one in the office who understands the computers, network, phones, processes, etc. I've been here nearly 3 years and have made very noticeable, very effective changes throughout the office.

Nonetheless, I'm really paranoid.

It doesn't help that the temp (who worked in my place all last week) is back today to help my supervisor with a "project".

October 29, 2007

I'm a twit, part 2.

I.Just.Found.My.License.And.Credit.Cards.

Tucked into my Latin textbook.

DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO BE PISSED OR NOT.

I'm a twit.

I lost my drivers license, a credit card, and my bank card. Yes, all at once.

I waited for about two weeks, thinking they may be somewhere in my house or car, but I've torn those apart and nada. I've been monitoring my accounts, but no foreign charges have popped up. So today, I finally stopped both cards and will be receiving new cards soon.

The worst part will be finding time to get to the DMV and get a new license. Moreover, I puffy hearted my license photo and that is a rare phenomena.

I don't think my brain is back to normal yet.

I just tried to restock the printer with soda. D'oh!

Asinine comments heard in film class.

"Can we please not say 'women's issues'?"

- From a young girl who fancies herself a feminist, after the female teacher began a discussion on feminism. My eyes rolled so hard, they actually fell onto the desk.


"We decided we'd rather raise a quality human being, instead of putting our kid in daycare all day."

- From an upper-class, middle-aged woman, on why she and her husband decided she should be a stay-at-home-mom.

October 25, 2007

I wonder...

Do you think it's possible to successfully imitate the style or language of such classical authors as Austen or the Brontes or Tolstoy? If so, do you think the book would be as well-received in today's society?

This has been weighing on my brain lately. Yes, really. I've been fretting over this.
::stamps 'nerd' onto head::

I've read a few books that try to imitate it, but fail horribly. The closest I've come is Coldwater by Martie McConnochie. But even so...it wasn't quite the same.

October 22, 2007

Pneumonia.

Whenever people have talked about being on bed rest, I always think, "Wow...that sounds nice...like a vacation." But no, it's kind of not. There is so much stuff I have to do, but I can't. "Homework, I really need to work on homework..." and then I pass out. Or I think, "I could be working on crocheting right now," but my head is so foggy and my body just hurts to move. The only thing I can do is lay down, read, watch movies, and type.

Also, I'm kind of worried about work. Office Manager was definitely okay with me being out. She seemed genuinely concerned and sympathetic (she's had pneumonia before). They're just hiring a temp for the week. However, I can't help but worry. Earlier in the summer, we had a discussion about how much paid-time-off I had to use for a class (that was only offered during the day). I promised her that I wouldn't use anymore PTO until around Thanksgiving. Now, I know you can't predict or control the future. But I just feel like taking a full week off will look bad in their eyes.

I know I'm being totally illogical, but I can't help it.

Amazing Jakes, a review.

Amazing Jakes...not all that amazing. For unlimited rides, some arcade games, and an unlimited buffet, it was $25 per person. However, the go-kart track and the bumper car area are very small. There are some amusement type rides for kids about Kayden's age, but not many. Oh, they also have laser tag, which I heard was really cool.

In any event, we decided that if we go back, we would just pay by the points (everything is part of a "points system"). Don't get the unlimited because you won't want to do everything.

October 19, 2007

A Scarf for Rena

This job is for the birds.

Here's why:

1. A broker walked by my desk, set his Starbucks drink down, said, "Throw this away for me, will you?" and walked away.

2. An emailed invitation for a case study went out to everyone. I asked what it was about. Office Manager said, "Remember that thing we did last year" and describes it. I said, "Oh, I wasn't invited to that." She replied, "That's because you're in a "different" position..." meaning I'm not really invited to this year's either because I offer no contributions.

3. In my former position with this company, there was a particularly grueling task that had to do with marketing. It took weeks of planning and labor. It was a royal pain in the ass. When I changed positions and we were revising my job description, I made sure to specify that that particular task didn't follow me. However, Office Manager just informed me that she'll need my help on this task again. I reminded her that it's not on my job description...it's on the description of the girl in my former position. She replied, " doesn't know how to do it...you do. And I need you to show me how to do it." Well, you know what? I didn't know how to do it either. I had to figure it out for myself.

4. People having conversations directly behind my back. People talking loudly in front of my desk while I'm trying to talk on the phone. People walking behind me all...day....long.

October 18, 2007

Nervous for graduation.

And it's still two months away.

I just got the email that gives the schedule of events and other information. It says that 7,000 people are expected to attend.

JUST ATTEND.

That doesn't even count the actual graduates. I have to walk in front of 10,000+ people?!


Eeek! ::hyperventilates::

I'm just imagining when I trip and go flying off the stage, everyone will sit up and say, "Wow...and she is an honor student? Uh-huh...just handing those awards out to anyone these days, eh?"

October 12, 2007

A review of my exorcism and other fun facts.

I was feeling pretty lousy at work yesterday and I finally decided to leave around 2:30. I went straight to take my Latin midterms. I was kind of worried because, while I'm doing just fine with the vocabulary, I don't have all the conjugations and declensions memorized. Well, I went into the room where about 8 other students were taking the same exam. I sat down and whipped through the exam in about 20 minutes. I finished before everyone else. By far. After I turned the exam in, the teacher stepped outside to go over the test with me. I got an A. And in the time it took to go over the test, only one other person had finished theirs.

So I went home and tried to relax for a couple hours, which didn't work. I was so incredibly worn out and felt lousy. Finally, I got up because Josh and Kayden came home. I fed Kayden and took him to my friend's house with me.

Now, you may remember my post a couple nights ago about how my friend, Tracy, called me. She was worried about the severity of my night terrors. She honestly thinks it is demons causing them. Because she's one of my dearest friends, I humored her and went over to her house. I am so glad I did. Her friend, Mary, was there and I talked to her for awhile. Mary had gone through almost the same thing as me for 30 years. It was so great to finally talk to someone who understood what I'm going through. I've met people who say, "Oh yeah, sure...that happens to me too." (Or worse yet, "Yeah, I have nightmares too." AAAHH! I want to reply, "Yeah, it's like a nightmare except that I'm awake. Now what do you think?") You can tell it's not the same and they don't understand. This time, we talked and talked and I knew she was going through the same thing. It was so great. Moreover, we talked about how when we've tried to tell people about this, their advice is something like, "Just reason/laugh/talk yourself through it." It's so frustrating because they obviously don't understand. As Mary said, it's like if someone broke their ankle and someone else said, "Well just stand on it and it'll feel better."

While talking and listening to Mary, there were so many things that had been happening to me that I never really thought of or thought were connected with the terrors. The feeling that someone is standing right over me, thinking I hear someone walking around at night, hearing noises throughout the house, thinking I see someone standing in my closet...these are all things that I never really told Tracy or even gave much thought to...until Mary described the exact same experiences. Very weird to say the least. We talked about how even when we get a full night's sleep, we're not rested. It was all the same.

We all (Tracy, Mary, and Tracy's husband) had a great talk. We talked about how I've always worried that these terrors could be a sign of mental illness, which runs rampant in my family. We talked about how they could be stress-related. We did approach religion, which was kind of awkward...but no harm done. They know where I stand, I know where they stand. Mary's advice was, while experiencing the terror, to pray in my head and see if that helps. I'm not big on prayer, but anything that might help, I'll try.

So, the whole point of the evening was that Tracy and her husband wanted to pray over me and they did. I was fine with it. I told them it couldn't hurt. They did and after a while, we went home. This morning, I woke up much more easily and felt so much better since yesterday, more awake. Could be a coincidence, but nothing else had changed. Tracy called me first thing to ask how I'd slept. I told her really well. She said she woke up a couple times during the night to pray for me.

Now, I'm not ready to believe that it IS an evil force making me see these things. But I'm not ready to discount it just yet. I've always believed in good and evil spirits...I'm just not sure I believe that they can "attack" you.

The JC Hat Again

Being modeled by none other than JC herself...

Furf and BabyBoy

I got this adorable picture from a friend and her son displaying the hats they bought. So cute!

October 10, 2007

Poor Kayden.

He told me that, while his BFF at school is being nicer to him, he had no one to play with at recess yesterday. One group of kids told him that they already had too many players for their game (which was a make-believe dragons game). He said he sat on the wall the whole time and had nothing to do.

Now, he's a bit of a pouter like I was at his age. But it makes me so sad for him to feel like he has no one to play with at recess. I had literally one friend at a time until sixth grade. But I don't want him to go through that at school.

I explained that everyone goes through a time where they feel like no one wants to play with them. Then I asked if he could read a book (no...no books or toys allowed on the playground). They are allowed to bring a snack for recess, so I packed a snack for him. I said if he found himself sitting on the wall alone again, at least he could eat his snack.

Poor kid. I forget how hard it can be at that age. If you don't have anyone to play with, it can be so embarrassing. For me, I got used to being alone at such a young age that it never really bothered me. That's probably the reason why, now, I have no qualms about dining alone, going to a movie by myself, going on trips by myself, etc.

October 5, 2007

Kayden's Fundraiser.

Email to Josh:

Here are the two fundraiser brochures…in case you want to coerce your coworkers into buying anything.

Here are some keywords and phrases to remember while asking them: “poverty”, “a brighter future”, “high hopes”, “only chance”, “destitute” and any others you feel may help the dude’s cause.

You may also read The Little Matchstick Girl to them and reiterate the sadness of how no one bought matchsticks from the little girl and she slowly froze to death.

The things this humorless wench finds funny.

- While walking on the street, the street sign that directs you when to walk was smashed in. The little white guy looked as though his crotch were on fire.

- While driving into the parking garage, there is a picture on the arm that raises up. It's a guy being smashed on the head by the arm. Lightning bolts abound.

- I just sneezed and my wireless headset flew off. It was awesome.

October 3, 2007

Pet Peeve re: Books.

I HATE when an author describes a character as looking like someone famous. For example, in Helen Fielding's "Olivia Joules...", a character is described as looking like Eminem. I think that is such a cheap and lazy thing to do.

On the other hand, if while a character is talking and they mention that so-and-so looks like a famous person, that's much better, IMO. "He's so hot...he looks like a young Antonio Banderas..." That's okay.

This random pet peeve was brought to you by hours and hours of reading stupid books.

September 27, 2007

Another bad night for my brain.

Last night, I awoke to see a writhing mass of snakes on my bedroom wall.

As I watched, they started moving closer to me. I actually scrambled over Josh and fell onto the floor to get away from them. Josh woke up and asked what was wrong. I mentioned something about the snakes getting closer to me. He was confused and I pointed to where the snakes were back on the wall--but they were not any closer to the bed than they had been at the beginning. I was so confused because they HAD moved closer to me. After a moment, the snakes disappeared altogether and I realized I had had another hallucinating episode.


I grabbed my pillow, went downstairs, and laid on the couch. I cried and cried for awhile out of embarrassment, fear, and confusion.

I finally fell asleep only to dream that, for whatever reason, I had to shoot and kill a child.


I woke up sobbing.

I hate my brain. And I'm tearing up again at work at the thought of all this.

September 26, 2007

Latin Rules.

While reading a book about komodo dragons to Kayden, I said, "Komodo dragons are a type of reptile called a moniter--monitor comes from the Latin word monere which means to warn or to advise--Komodo dragons are a cold-blooded..."

Josh looked at me like I was crazy.

September 21, 2007

I need a flyswatter...

...to swat ignorant people.

We keep a jar of M&Ms on the front counter for visitors and vendors. A delivery person just came to pick up a package. This guy (who I'm pretty sure is just now feeling the long-term effects from too much LSD in the 1960s) got a bunch of M&Ms.

He said, "Ooh! I'll take a bunch of these so you don't eat them...
because then you'd get fat and we don't want that, huh?"

Great, yes, that's great. Move along, asswipe.

September 18, 2007

News of the Dish-Tower War.

APM, Office Manager, and I were in the kitchen this morning. I was unloading dishes (and stacking them, of course) while APM and OM got their coffee.

Out of the blue, OM started talking about how cluttered the kitchen was before I cleaned it up. She said, "Do you remember how we couldn't open the cupboards because of all the tupperware dishes? People wouldn't pick them up...they just left them in the kitchen. I'm glad you're able to get people to take their dishes, Kelli. It was just AWFUL before: all these cottage cheese containers (APM is known for using cottage cheese containers), jars, mugs...it's so much nicer now."

After APM walked out of the kitchen, she smiled and said, "Sorry...I had to."

September 17, 2007

Josh may start seeing a therapist.

He just emailed me asking about the provider directory. Let's cross our fingers that he doesn't lose the motivation to go through with this.
It could mean the difference between happily married and divorced.

Monday Morning Random.

- Did you know the girl who played Samara in the first "Ring" movie was the voice of Lilo in "Lilo and Stitch"?

- Everyone has heard the snippet of the story about a man who threw his cloak in the mud so Queen Elizabeth didn't get dirty, right?


What you may not know is that years after that, the queen imprisoned the man, his new wife, and their infant son out of jealousy. The baby died shortly after in prison. The man was later executed.

- The president-appointed physician advisor to the White House is one of the primary protestors of stem cell research. The same man, in 1971, protested heatedly against in-vitro fertilization, claiming it would make mutated children. Food for thought.

September 14, 2007

Reindeer aren't real.

Kayden refuses to believe that reindeer are real animals.

He believes the only "real reindeer" are Santa's reindeer. Obviously, these reindeer can fly but there aren't actual reindeer anywhere else in the world.

All the rest are imaginary.

He is adamant about this despite the fact that we have seen reindeer at the Denver Zoo.

Goals.

One year:

Finish school
Buy a new house, possibly
Either HAPPILY married or divorced


Five years:

Pay off car
Pay off cc debt
Working on my career
Finish at least one book (not even have it published...just FINISH it already. Sigh.)


Ten years:

Have that stupid book published
Established in my career
Would love to own a bookstore by this time
Wow...Kayden would be 17 by this time. Yikes.

A hitherto unforeseen benefit of having dark hair

My impersonation of Samara, the ghost chick from The Ring, is now completely excellent.


Tried to talk with Josh last night.

I started by asking if he was happy with his life, his family life, etc. He was kind of "meh". I asked what causes him to be less than happy at home. His responses were all related to him: "no energy to do anything, always crabby" etc. I asked if he had thought anymore of getting medication. He said no. I talked to him a bit about Kort, my g-ma (who was on anti-depressants for only a few months, in order to get through a hard time), and a few other people I knew on medication.

I talked to him a bit about how I missed the "old Josh". He seemed annoyed at this and asked me to elaborate. I said the old Josh LIKED to do things with/for me and Kayden. Now it seems like he's just going through the motions. He nodded in agreement at that. I reminded him of how when Kayden was potty-training, he drew pictures of toilets and bought toy trains to encourage him. Now, Kayden is learning to read, and Josh doesn't even care to listen to him try. I also reminded him that he used to do things with his friends. He asked how long he has been like this. I said I started noticing the decline (for lack of a better word) about a year ago.

After that, I asked what his worries were. He said that he'd become addicted, that it'd be like a pill-induced lobotomy, he'd be a zombie, etc. When I tried to explain that none of my friends acted like zombies, he said everyone reacted differently. I asked if he had talked to his mom or sister (they're really close) about this. He said a bit with his mom, but he didn't pay attention to what she said.

I asked the worst that could happen if he took the pills and the worst if he didn't. He snapped and asked, "Why do those have to be the only options: to take pills or to stay the same?" I said I had already asked him to see a therapist and he refused. I asked what other options there were. He didn't reply.

I'm sure we said more, but he completely shut down. I think he was upset, but wouldn't talk at all. Finally I got really irritated with his silence and turned on a movie. He went to bed. There was no resolution and I have no idea if he'll actually take medicine. I got him on another pity party, though...so score one for me. <~~~~sarcastic.

September 12, 2007

The Great Dish-Tower War of '07.

At my job, I have to load the dishwasher at night and unload it in the morning. Yes, I actually have to do other people's dishes at work. While unloading it, I put all of the tupperware containers and personal dishes in a pile in the break room for them to pick up.

Because little things make me happy, I stack the dishes like building blocks. There's never anything breakable included and it rarely gets above 4-5 dishes high. I've yet to hear any complaints about this. Instead, people usually giggle or joke about the tower of dishes when they see it. On occasion, people have added to it (salt and pepper shakers, paper cups, etc). It doesn't happen often, but it's pretty funny when it does.

Today, though, I had just finished stacking the dishes and unloading the dishwasher when an associate project manager walked in. (An APM is basically an entry level job for someone fresh from college, who wants to pursue a construction career.) This APM is probably 24-25, but acts like he's king.

He asked why I stack the dishes. I said in a light-hearted voice, "Because it makes me happy and do you really want a cranky receptionist on your hands?" He replied, "Well, how about you build your tower...then take it down?" I said, "Does this offend you in some way?" He said, "Well it's not really professional for people to see when the door is open. It's not very office-like." And he walked out.

WTF? Sure, if I were stacking the dishes in the lobby, that would be inappropriate. But how is it unprofessional to put them in a breakroom (where we keep gossip mags, funny flyers, etc)?

I emailed the office manager, asking if she'd heard any complaints. I didn't want to resume my dish-stacking if it was bothering people.

Office Manager: No. I assumed you did that so people would remember to pick them up. Why.....is someone whining?

Me: APM snapped at me that it was unprofessional. I haven't heard any complaints before, but wanted to be sure before I continue doing it.

OM: Is any of it his?

Me: Half of the tower was his. Actually, about half of the personal dishes in the dishwasher each night are his. Maybe he doesn't like his dishes participating in such a dangerous feat each day?

OM: Maybe we should ask him if he would prefer that you put them on his desk? Maybe he is embarassed by his contribution of cottage cheese containers.

Oh yes. The war is on, APM.

September 11, 2007

Something bad is happening across the street.

At the deli I frequent.

All the strange emo kids who work there have been replaced by middle-aged, sensibly-dressed professionals.

All of the creepy, agenda-pushing paintings for sale have been replaced by landscapes and watercolors.

The seedy and questionable sofas have been replaced by fancy chairs.

The blaring, random music has been replaced by Abba and the like.

This depresses me. My beloved deli is losing its personality.

September 7, 2007

Allosaurus Syndrome

When the female Allosaurus dinosaur gave birth, she raised and nurtured her babies for two years.


Then, at the end of the two years, if they didn't run away and leave her the fuck alone, she would eat them.


My brother was kicked out of the house when he was 15.


My sister and I were kicked out for weekends at a time from the time we were 16 and 14 respectively. She was permanently out by 17 years old, me by 16.


Because of this, I diagnosed my mom with Allosaurus Syndrome:


If we kids didn't get out, she'd eat us.


September 5, 2007

August 30, 2007

Attempt #2 at the Owl Hat

I finished the owl hat and feel pretty satisfied with it. This time around, I used a thinner yarn and smaller hook. It came out to about the right size, I believe. The eyes and nose were easier the second time (well, fifth time for the nose) around. The pom-pom was added at the customer's request and was a bit of a pain. I'm still not quite sure how to make them properly. My coffee table was covered with bits of fluffy yarn by the time I finished.




August 28, 2007

Finally! A Piece of Clothing!

I've finished the shrug finally! Usually, I just don't have the patience to tackle pieces of clothing. I pulled the pattern from The Happy Hooker and I just love it. It's very simple and quick. However, I used too small of a hook and the shrug doesn't actually fit me now. It's more like a small or small-ish medium. I need to find a model to get better pictures of it.


Two New Hats

A baby hat (that has been stretched over the small mannequin head):


An adult-sized hat. I love this one so much, I might keep it.


August 24, 2007

Attempt #1 at the Owl Hat

I just finished the owl hat. I used a fluffy, bulky yarn that so resembled owl feathers (or rather, what I imagine owl feathers to feel/look like) that I had to use it.

Unfortunately, it made the hat adult-sized.

For the eyes, I used regular acrylic yarn, standard weight. Those were simple enough and I think I will keep the pattern the same for Attempt #2. The beak was a complete pain. I don't know what I was thinking (and thank god I didn't take pictures) but I my beaks kept resembling human noses. Now, in my defense, I've never actually seen an owl up close. Okay, that's a weak defense considering the internet has a bajillion images of owls to choose from. I was just lazy and thought I knew what to do. Nuh-uh. Luckily, Josh had me flip the nose upside down and instantly, I was shown the light. It was a weak light, but a light, nonetheless. I decided to give it a hooked appearance by only sewing the top portion. The face, overall, is acceptable.

Moving on, I defined the face from the head by just sewing a soft, wispy, gray thread in a half-circle around the eyes and beak. Unfortunately, I didn't really calculate stitches or anything, and the circle ended up being off-centered. Count stitches before sewing. Duly noted. Finally, I wove the same gray thread into the braids to give it some consistency. While I haven't added it the "feathers" to this hat, the second hat will consist of gray Vs woven throughout the hat. Hopefully this will resemble feathers.





Notes from the Future: Strangely enough, about a month later, I went to the spa in the mountains. I had brought this hat along to show my friends, who thought it was hilarious. While out one night, we ran into a group of miners who worked in the area. After many drinks, photos, and laughs, they came back to our hotel room with us. (Purely innocent, natch.)

One miner tried the hat on, to the amusement of his buddies. One guy then asked if he could buy the hat. Which he did. For $25.00. He said he would bring it down into the mines with him the next day.

Further Notes from the Future: Even more strangely, about three months later, a friend and I went back to the same spa, to the same bar, and met more miners. After many drinks, photos, and laughs, we mentioned in passing about the hat. The (hot) miner replied, "The owl hat?! You made the owl hat?! We all wore that around the mines for weeks!"

Underground, people. My pieces have made it all around the world and finally, underground.


(If you want to see how attempt #2 turned out, click here.)

August 21, 2007

Basura.

I work as a part-time janitor at a waste-water treatment facility.
It is glamorous work, to say the least.

Since I work late at night, I rarely meet the people whose offices I clean.

Having never met me, they have no idea I am the whitest of white chicks.
Whenever there is a large pile of boxes or some other type of trash
which will not fit in the can, they leave me a note:

BASURA
Is it racist or judgmental of them to assume a cleaning person must be Hispanic
and/or speak Spanish exclusively?

August 20, 2007

The Raccoon Whisperer

While mopping the office on Sunday, Josh came in and told me there was a raccoon in the dumpster outside. He had thrown the garbage in, then noticed it sitting at the bottom of the empty dumpster. The lid had been down and the poor thing had been trapped in there.


Josh freaked out and closed the lid again. I went out there (the brave soul that I am), swung open the lid all the way, and ran squealing, closing the gate behind me. We watched the raccoon jump out, stare at us for a bit, then run away into the field.


It was heart-warming for sure. I had never seen a raccoon that close up before. They're very cute animals.

August 15, 2007

Hurricane Flossie.

Does this hurricane live on a plantation,



sip iced tea on the porch,



while discussing the scandalous antics of the neighbors with Bitsy and Muffy?

A New Project

A friend asked me to make an owl hat for a baby gift. Since I can't find a pattern for this, I'm going to be making it up as I go along. This is the awesome picture she gave me of her vision:


For the hat, I'm using the same pattern I used for earlier earflap/braid hats. Once the hat itself is done, I will be adding gray and black v-shaped accents to give it a feathery look. For the face, I'm making the eyes and nose separately and will just sew them on. Finally, I think I will add some kind of gray line to separate the face from the head/body.

As of right now, it's looking mighty scary. The eyes still have strings hanging from them that resembles vessells and veins. The nose's dangling strings make it look like a turkey. We'll see how this all comes together.

The JC Hat

The hat is a basic mesh pattern, all double-crochets except at the top.



For the flower, I couldn't find a pattern I liked. I played around with different techniques and stitches, coming up with this:



It's a simple and quick design and worked well with the hat (which is also fairly simple):


Since the pattern is an original creation, I'll be posting a listing for the pattern on my Etsy site soon.

August 14, 2007

Which came first?

Dinosaurs were around before people.


God is a person.


So the dinosaurs are older than god.


This is what The Dude (at six years old) deduced tonight.

August 9, 2007

Tape.

The office manager was standing at my desk, talking with a few superintendents.

I was next to her, taping up boxes to be shipped. The tape dispenser made a lot of noise with each pull.

After two minutes of trying to shout over me, she said, "Damn! Could you be any louder?!"

I replied, "I'm sorry...shall I go work at your desk instead?"

August 8, 2007

Boastful Post-ful.

A coworker just told me I have the best hair, like, ever.


It totally made my day.


Three cheers for low-maintenance!


August 7, 2007

I am so going to miss The Dude being six years old.

There won't be many more years of him squeezing and kissing me

because I brought him home a big piece of styrofoam to play with.


July 30, 2007

Who Am I?

I am:

- A mother...a good mother

- A less-than-satisfied wife

- A college graduate

- Smart, at least a little talented, ambitious, pretty, naive, creative, full of life

- A writer, no matter how good or bad

- Underappreciated

- Underrated

- Confused, overwhelmed

- Passionate, flirtatious, unwilling to settle (or am I?)

- Fun, interesting, conceited, a loyal friend

- Argumentative, non-confrontational, a pushover

- Someone with many interests, all very different from the last

- Someone with potential for success

- An overachiever

- A typical 24-year-old

- A not-so-typical 24-year-old

What do I Want?

- An adventurous life: to see many places, do many once-in-a-lifetime things

- A love that can keep up with me on adventures, but can also make me enjoy the simple things in life: just sitting in front of the tv or going to a work party

- Time to live it up before settling down

- A house designed just for me

- The chance to help make others' lives better

- To write and publish well-loved books

- To never have to worry about money

- To never have to worry about my mom/sister/brothers/etc.

- To have a job I love

- To own a bookstore, to work for myself

- To have friendships that last until we're old

- To never say, "I wish I did that..."

- To learn lots of languages and use them

- To live in a foreign country

- To see the Dude have his own family

- To have a library full of books

- To see a movie made from a book I've written

He's got a new attitude.

The Dude.
Granted, he'd just been at his dad's house and usually acts like a brat for the next hour. Or four.

Yesterday I was helping my sister-in-law move to her new place.
I asked the Dude to take a cushion out to the moving van.

He said, "I don't want to. I don't have to do anything I don't want."
I said, "Oh yes you do."
He replied, "No, I don't...That's like forcing. You can't force me to do something."

I glared at him until he said sorry.
Then I lectured him about doing what I tell him to do.
Then he helped me move.

No wonder he likes hanging out with his dad: he gets lectures as soon as he comes home to repair the damage done over the weekend.

July 28, 2007

Heifer Genuine Draft

Last night I went to IHOP.

I ordered milk.


The waitress said, "What?"


I said "Milk".


She replied, "Oh, no...we don't serve beer."


I'm still confused

July 27, 2007

She had warned us for years...

The rhythm has finally gotten me!!



Oh-ay-oh-ay! Oh-ay-oh-ah!




A word to the wise:


The rhythm is highly contagious.



And it makes your crotch itch.


But that's beside the point.




June 25, 2007

Receptionist.

Due to the hot office, I have a fan on my desk.

Every time I answer the phone, I'm so tempted to put my mouth up to the fan.

Cue robot-voice, "Good morning. . I will transfer you now."

June 22, 2007

Magic Tree House.

So, Kayden loves the Magic Tree House series. They are books all about two kids who visit different times and places and learn all about where they are. Totally nerdy, but whatever. Anyhow, these books are how he came to know of Titanic, China, vikings, the Amazon, and more. One of the books we read a few months ago was about Pompeii. We've read about four books since then.

Last night we were reading some little magazines about the new seven wonders of the world (yes, we really are that nerdy). He pointed at a picture of Machu Piccu. He asked if that was the city that was covered in ashes. I said no, it's Machu Piccu. He pointed at a mountain and said, "Oh, I thought that was Vesuvius." I couldn't even remember Pompeii's deadly volcano off the top of my head. I was so shocked that he did.

The dude constantly amazes me with what he knows and remembers.

Chores.

Kayden did all of his chores for the week.

And after he finished cleaning his room last night, he said,
"You know what would be a good idea?
If I just kept my room clean,
I could check off that chore and not have to do anything.
We should also keep the kitchen clean so I don't have to sweep anymore."

I was so happy, I could have cried.

June 21, 2007

I'm interculturally ignorant.

In my intercultural communication class, the teacher is from China and many of the students are foreign.

The teacher pronounces purpose as poo-pus.
A kid from the Phillipines pronounced cultural as cooter-al.

These things and more make me giggle inside my head.

June 19, 2007

Something you should know about me.

I'm a mouth-breather.

Yep.

And it gets even worse in the summer.

My friend, Colin, keeps asking me what's wrong. He emails me, asking why I'm so upset. I finally give in and reply:

Rather than have you think I’m blowing you off…I’ll let you in on the craziness. Where to begin…

Okay, for starters, I never should have gotten married. My husband is extremely depressed but has refused to get treatment. We’ve gone to a marriage counselor, but ended up fighting even more. Ultimately, Josh (my husband) refused to go anymore. It’s like living with an effing sixty-year-old man. A 60-year-old who won’t take an active role in either my or my son’s life. Why don’t I kick him out, you say? Because his little brother just died about a three months ago. His little brother who I just adored and was crushed by his death. But not as crushed as Josh. I think it would be just a tad cruel to kick the dude out so shortly after that. And until I can receive the Miss Manners reply to “How long after the death of a loved one is it polite to render a man homeless and heartbroken? Hmmm?” I’m shooting for six months to a year. But who knows?

Ohhhhh, did you think that was it? Not even close. For over a year now, I’ve been getting sick after every meal. Not in an eating disorder way…why, that’s too passé. I’ve seen doctors and specialists and have had to do really expensive procedures that I’m still paying for, just to be told that they can’t figure out what’s wrong. Sooooo…in the past couple months, I’ve lost most of my appetite. On average, I eat one small meal per day. When I do eat a full meal, I feel like vomiting afterward. While this may be great news for any physical problem areas on my body, I’m not particularly happy with this new development.

Moreover, I got put on probation at work. While I have been kicking ass on making sure the office runs efficiently in regards to computers, phones, office supplies, etc. I haven’t been refilling the printers and refrigerator promptly. Add to that the fact that I haven’t been taking lunch breaks (because I’d rather work through my lunch than listen to the admins complain about answering the phones for me), I have been put on a 30-day probation period with weekly check-ups. I now have to follow an extremely degrading schedule to ensure I’m stocking up on Diet Pepsi…lest we make the almighty brokers unhappy.

Now, why don’t I quit, you may ask? Because I’m about to start my next (and final) semester of school. This semester calls for three nights a week, of which I have to leave the office at 3:30. I don’t think a new job would appreciate that kind of schedule. Opus is aware of the fact that once I graduate, I will begin looking for jobs in my desired field of work (which is the main reason I was demoted to the front desk position…I’m not bitter about it, I swear). Throw in the fact that everyone treats me just slightly better than they would a fly they were about to squash, and it makes for a pretty shitty workday.

And while working as a receptionist seems like it would be a real money-maker, alas! It’s not. I have to work a part-time job as a cleaning lady for an office. This, combined with school and work and taking care of a six-year-old, has all but worn me out. While my husband is more than qualified to work at a job that would allow for me to quit my second job, he won’t leave his current job which only pays him in pesos (okay, not really…but it seems like it).

Shall I go on? Family issues! My mom is an insane meth addict (yes, really) who calls me constantly, asking for money and cigarettes. Ah, but everyone has family troubles, yes? I also have two little brothers (ages 4 and 6) who were put into foster care, then placed in the home of their abusive father (my latest stepfather). This should be a happy ending, but no. Dear stepfather has since taken the children and run away. We can’t find him and have no idea where my little brothers are or how they’re doing. And just in case the above revelations didn’t clue you into the fact that my family is completely messed up, my little brothers both have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, and are in need of extensive therapy (which I’m certain they are not receiving). All these issues keep me up at night, stressing my little guts out, wondering if I should have adopted them when I had the chance.

Well, I guess that’s enough for now. Probably much more than you wanted to ever hear or know about me. That’s your punishment for being nice enough to inquire as to what’s bothering me.


He replies:

You need to think what's best for your son and remember that how he sees you treated is how he'll treat his girlfriend/wife.

Call me if you need to vent.... but don't ever vent before noon, I work nights ya know....

C~

June 13, 2007

At the Zoo with Grandpa.

Kayden has eyes for no one when my dad is around:

Oh, and that's my dad hiding behind a post: